Welcome to the relationship revolution

If you’re reading this on Tuesday, January 26, 2021, then THIS is the day. What day? The day—after years of research and thinking and writing and working with our agent and editor and publishing team—when our new book Why Couples Fight is finally available for sale. You can probably understand why we’re excited about this.


But why should you be excited? Two reasons.

  • The first is that there’s a lot that’s not only new but revolutionary in our new book about how relationships work and how it’s possible to take them from the ICU to the honeymoon suite.

  • The second is that, based on what we’ve learned, we can show you a path that will take you to a place in your relationship where your needs are met, where there’s room in your relationship for two whole people, and where an atmosphere of resentment and frustration and disempowerment and distance is replaced with love and warmth.

So what’s new and revolutionary in Why Couples Fight? Here’s a list:

-> Why Couples Fight is the first book to identify the real reason couples get stuck unable to solve their problems, in spite of good intentions, love, people skills, brains, and other assets you’d think would make it easy for two people to work out ways to get their needs met. And that real reason is the struggle for power that people fall into in spite of good will and good intentions. You can read about this here.

-> As you can read here, it’s the first book to show how eliminating the power dynamics in your relationship is the active ingredient is any successful attempt at healing relationships and helping people get their needs met with each other.


-> It’s the first where you can read about the eight core experiences of love. These are the eight dimensions of love in a relationship that we need for nourishment, and that, when we feel the threat of the loss of any one of them, we become profoundly upset.


-> There are more new things that we haven’t written blogs about yet, but stay tuned:


-> We show the tremendous benefit in understanding the power imbalances people bring into their relationships. Seeing this can help people see, ah!, this is why we keep getting tangled up with each other.

-> The way battling for power is addictive, in spite of how unproductive it is.


-> The fact that eliminating power moves, all by itself, without doing anything else, can take a couple a long, long way to healing and strengthening their relationship.


-> There’s the incredibly hopeful and powerful notion of a relationship as being a place for two whole people. ALL of you, and ALL of your partner. So you don’t have to throw huge chunks of who you are overboard in order to make your relationship livable.


-> There is also tremendous hope in the understanding we offer: it is not based on talking about how there’s anything wrong with either of you. This is a problem that good people get into without needing to or intending to, and it comes from the simple fact that no one wants to feel disempowered. Out of this simple, quite understandable fact of human nature comes a dynamic that can and has destroyed so many marriages. But just shining light on the problem, plus a few simple tools, can turn everything around for almost everyone.


If you’ve been struggling in your relationship with

  • go-nowhere fights,

  • unmet needs,

  • a sense of frustration or disempowerment

  • feeling devalued

  • a growing sense of distance between you

We show the tremendous benefit then I do more than urge you, I beg you to get ahold of a copy of Why Couples Fight. It will change your life.

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