by Mira and Charles on July 9th, 2014
Figuring out why things go wrong on first dates
He was in his early 30s, handsome, doing well in his career, a really good guy from a good family. Exactly the kind of guy you’d want your sister to marry.
He met a woman, they talked and texted, and finally met for casual drinks and dinner. Afterwards he was really high about the date. They had a lot in common, he thought, and got along really well. Certainly there was enough good stuff going on to warrant a second date. He started texting her about it, and she seemed to want it. Then, boom!, he got a text from her saying, uh, no, “let’s just be friends.”
He was shaken. Totally hadn’t seen this coming. And like a million other people who’ve been dropped or dumped with no good reason that they can see, he started with the post mortems. Hmmm…maybe it was Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 30th, 2014
Well, now that we’re up to part 7, this series (which started here) is now officially the longest series we’ve had going on our site. But the response has been great, so on we go!
And with each one of these entries, we’ve asked ourselves, What’s one simple, easy-to-do thing couples can do to make their love last?
Today the tip has to do with making sure there is more of the good stuff in your relationship. And all this really requires is a conversation and a commitment, and you’re done!
The problem we’re addressing today is the way people put their relationships last. Here’s life for 99.9% of couples: Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 23rd, 2014
Getting your needs met
There were some howls of protest at the previous entry in this Making Love Last series. How dare I talk about honoring the other person’s intentions when your own needs are going unmet! Well, it’s because we’re talking about making love last. That can only happen—the love part—if we really believe in, and SHOW we believe in!, the fact that our partners have good intentions. Cause if that ain’t true then wow you gotta run for the exits. If it is true you have to acknowledge it and support it.
But still, there are those annoying, sometimes painfully annoying, unmet needs. They are real, and we have to do something about them. That’s because a rising level of unmet needs are a dagger pointed at the heart of your love.
This is an even bigger deal than it should be because most of do a terrible job of trying to get our needs met. We Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 19th, 2014
Embrace the intention
Here we go with another tip for making love last. This is a series we started here.
To see the importance of this tip, check out this all-too-typical fight.
Emily and Neil had decided to go to the beach on Saturday. “Let’s get an early start tomorrow,” Emily said Friday night. “I don’t want to spend half the day in beach traffic because we started late.”
But Saturday morning, Neil Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 12th, 2014
One person at a time
Here we are, now, with still another vital secret for making love last in this series that began here.
Today’s secret is actually pretty simple, but it’s also so powerful that it will—I promise you!—change your relationship forever and make it much better
This secret will prevent one of the most frustrating, damaging processes that couples get into. The process goes something like this:
One of you is upset about something. You say something. It’s probably pretty emotional. A bit over the top. And then your partner responds as if he’d been attacked. Which is just how he feels: attacked.
So you don’t feel heard at all. This was about you—how hurt you feel, maybe—and your partner’s response kind of feels as though he were Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 5th, 2014
Love is like a pet hamster: it’ll die if you don’t take care of it. The difference being that, sadly, even well-taken-care-of hamsters don’t live very long, but love will last a lifetime…if you take care of it.
And so we began a series on how to keep your love alive. And last time we posted the first tip for how to do this.
Now for the next tip. I was working with a couple a few days ago who had been fighting a lot, to the point where they’d had a lot of thoughts of throwing in the towel. Now things are better, but still something was missing. Love is not about not fighting. It’s about something wonderful happened.
Suddenly I found myself asking them, “Suppose I could wave a magic wand and Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on June 2nd, 2014
Last time, we started a series on how to make sure that love lasts. This is, we all know, the most serious and important issue in relationships. Love is too often like crossing the ocean in a rowboat. It can be fun at first, and pretty easy, but before you know it you face heavy seas and… Well, you know.
So here we begin with solutions. Practical, proven things you can do, insights you can use, to keep love love alive.
And here’s the first solution.
We fall in love with someone because Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on May 27th, 2014
We’ve all seen it happen. You start out in love. Over the moon, stars in your eyes. You’ve found the man or woman of your dreams. And…well, sure, he or she isn’t perfect. Neither are you. But this time, you think, you’ve got it right. This is going to work.
And at first it does. Yes, there are speed bumps and a few fender benders—he can get lost in work, she’s short tempered when she’s tired, there’s a certain lack of sympathy when you aren’t feeling well—but mostly things are just fine.
But then… It’s hard to say what happens, or how, or exactly when. It’s just that one day…it’s like the moment when you’ve been eating cookies and you reach in the bag and you realizes that all that’s left are crumbs and broken pieces. Not one good cookie left. And for some strange reason you just want to cry.
You’re life is good. It’s just the stuff between you that isn’t so hot. Yes, you still love each other. But love itself? It’s hard to describe. You feel like roommates with a complicated relationship and a lot of irritations and disappointments who’ve somehow managed to build some sort of life together.
You can stay together, though sometimes you daydream about leaving. Staying isn’t the problem. That just takes grit, and the momentum of your daily lives.
The problem is Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on May 23rd, 2014
How to help your kids when you break up
So here’s where we are. In the last two posts (here and here) I made it clear that most kids, most of the time, aren’t going to suffer any long-term damage as a result of their parents getting divorced. Whatever damage there may be is almost always the result of problem parents, not divorce. And even there the damage is smaller and less frequent than most people think.
But I get it. You’re a caring parent and you want to make sure that your kids are hurt as little as possible by your divorce, short term and long term.
So here’s what you do.
Please. Please. Get your Read the rest of this entry. »
by Mira and Charles on May 19th, 2014
Last time we talked about a divorced dad’s guilt when he read two passages in Rob Lowe’s most recent memoir, and we dealt with the first passage which characterizes divorce as a “horror.”
Today we’re going to deal with the second guilt-inducing passage:
“Dads can do many things that the best of moms can’t, and vice versa.”
The point of this being Lowe’s assertion that kids benefit from having a mom and a dad, and they lose that when the parents get divorced.
Is that really true? Read the rest of this entry. »