…and just in the nick of time! If there ever was a season when people were running low on emotional energy, Christmas is it. So much to do. So little time to do it. Lots of us find that Christmas is a week away and we haven’t even started with all the stuff we have to do.
Let’s thank the New York Times for a report on the state of our unions today: a report on what’s happening with divorce in America today.
What would you guess is happening? Is our national divorce rate rising? You keep hearing commentators say so, but is it true?
Well, if you take the divorce rate as an indicator of the health of the modern American marriage, we’re doing Read the rest of this entry. »
Before we mindlessly glide into Christmas, let’s see if we can learn anything from this past Thanksgiving.
Now I know a woman—and I know there are a million women like this—who had family over for Thanksgiving. When everyone had shoveled as much food into their faces as fast as they could and raced away from the table to grab some tube, this woman had had it. She walked out, drove away, and was just GONE for hours.
She just couldn’t take it any more.
Like millions of other women, she’d spent the better part of three days getting ready to present Thanksgiving dinner to her family and a half dozen relatives. And the whole time she was seething. Her children weren’t Read the rest of this entry. »
I was reading a really good article online and I came across these words, which stopped me in my tracks.
A cry for attention is positioned as the ultimate crime, clutching or trivial — as if ‘attention’ were inherently a selfish thing to want. But isn’t wanting attention one of the most fundamental traits of being human — and isn’t granting it one of the most important gifts we can ever give?
And there you have one of the central needs and central conflicts in relationships today. We want our partner’s attention. His undivided attention, ungrudgingly given. And yet we too often feel we need to justify or pay for this attention.
So let’s put things back in perspective. Attention is a fundamental right in relationships. And that’s because it’s a basic human need. We may not wither and die without attention, but we certainly wither, shrink, starve, dry up, and go dead inside without attention, like a lonely leaf still left on a tree at the beginning of a New England winter.
The homeless, the aged, and the poor all will tell you that one of the worst parts of their status is feeling invisible. Being ignored. It’s terrible to be treated badly, but in some ways it’s worse to not be dealt with at all.
It’s all about Read the rest of this entry. »
The secrets for creating a wonderful turkey day
Well, Thanksgiving is in two weeks. Here, in plenty of time, are some thoughts for how to make this one of the best days of your year. After all, it’s a day for thanks. It’s a day for giving. At least it should be.
But too often Thanksgiving is a day marred—destroyed sometimes—by the stress of going overboard, the tension that goes with travel, and by family members acting badly. So sad. Especially when it’s so easy to have a happy Thanksgiving.
The rules for having a happy family Thanksgiving are few and simple:
- Stop trying to Read the rest of this entry. »
Here’s where we are. We’ve brought out the 13 reasons why couples aren’t have as much sex, and as much good sex, as they’d like. Then last time we offered solutions to the first 6 of those problems. And right here, right now we’ll show how to overcome the remaining obstacles faced by couples who aren’t having as much sex as they’d like:
7. Your sexual chemistry hasn’t been so hot since Read the rest of this entry. »
Okay, from our last blog we learned that there are 13 specific reasons why couples are having less sex. And surely at least one of them applies to you. So let’s go through them one at a time. We’ll give you QUICK suggestions for how to overcome each obstacle. There’s a lot to go through, so we’ll have to do this in two parts, starting with 1 through 6 today:
1. You’re so busy and stressed out that it’s hard to get into a sexy, let’s-connect frame of mind. Welcome to the club! This is one of the most widespread problems in America.
–Talk about Read the rest of this entry. »
Welcome to the a la carte marriage. It just may be the future of marriage. Here’s a glimpse.
Jake is a divorced dad with two young sons. Here are the women in Jake’s life.
–There is his ex, Barbara, who is his co-parent. Luckily for him and his boys, Jake and his ex have a pretty good co-parenting relationship. They live nearby and are very understanding of the constant changes in each other’s crazy schedules. They are a real help to each other in bringing up their kids.
–There is his current girl friend, Joni. They’ve been going together for about a year and a half. In terms of sex and romance, they are monogamous. Sex is good and they enjoy just hanging out together. No stress in their relationship. But also not a lot in common.
–There is Sue, whom Jake describes as his office wife. But Sue is much more. She is the person with whom Jake Read the rest of this entry. »
If love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, what about sex and marriage?
Well, for many of us sex and marriage start out like a horse and carriage and end up like a horse and pogo stick.
You start out filled with passion and the desire for intimacy. Then the nonsense of daily life takes over: arguments about who’s going to pick up the dry cleaning, who should’ve paid what bill. Then babies come, and too often sex flies out the window completely. You’re too busy, too tired, too often pissed off at each other. The next thing you know it’s been a very long time since you made love, and the more time passes, the harder it is. At least, that’s how it is for many of us. No wonder it seems that marriage is a machine for creating babies and destroying sex.
But is sex an inevitable casualty of marriage? Absolutely not. It doesn’t have to be this way at all.
So what is the culprit? And what do you do about it? Read the rest of this entry. »
The best clue to what you really care about is what you pay attention to.
Just check out what you remember from the last newscast you heard on the radio. If you care a lot about events in the Middle East, you’re likely to pay attention to a story about Israel or Iraq, and you’re likely to remember what that story reported. If you don’t care, you won’t pay attention and you won’t remember.
If you say you care but you don’t pay attention, people will say, well, it actually sounds like you don’t really care.
What’s more, attention is something most of us are starving for. We live in a world where most of the time we’re not paid attention to. Facebook exists to give us the feeling that someone somewhere is paying attention to us.
This is why when people in a relationship are caught in an act of not paying attention, all hell breaks loose. It’s the deepest form of insult. The surest way to show someone Read the rest of this entry. »