THE CHESTNUT HILL INSTITUTE

A new phenomenon: the single-but-married woman

We’ve all heard of the no-fault divorce.  Now there’s the no-difference divorce.  This occurs when two people are so busy and their lives so disconnected that one partner starts feeling, “Hey, why not get divorced?  It wouldn’t make a difference to how I live.  There’d just be less aggravation.”

There is more and more of this going around.  Think about it.  With women marrying later and later, when they do get married a lot of women already have their strongest, deepest relationship with their girlfriends.  They want to be married and they may want to have a baby, but do they really want a relationship with a man?  And even if they might want such a relationship, is he available for it?  Or is he too busy and too distracted?  How can two people have a marriage when the only way they are on each other’s radar screens is when they annoy each other? 

A prominent journalist asked me about this today.  Here are her questions and my answers:  Read the rest of this entry. »

Emotional and psychological secrets for dealing with cancer

We’ve been getting a lot of requests for interviews lately, and the latest was based on our book Feel Better Fast.  This book gives you everything you need to understand the ways illness or injury affects you emotionally.  Even more important, it shows you how to deal effectively with anger, depression, anxiety, and stress to not only feel better but, in many cases, actually get better faster.  This book was the pioneering effort at what is now called personal medicine, or whole person medicine: the idea that you and your health-care providers should make sure to integrate your thoughts and feelings as an essential part of your treatment.  It’s been getting a lot of attention, including last Friday with this interview about the whole person approach to dealing with cancer.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Journalist interviews us on emotional energy in the workplace

We were interviewed yesterday by a writer for one of the biggest business magazines.  This happens a lot, since we do a lot of consulting with businesses on strategic and organizational issues, as well as working as advisers to senior management.  This time we were asked about the effects of work on our emotional energy.  This is a huge issue that we first wrote about in The Emotional Energy Factor. 

And it’s even more important now.  With so many people unemployed and with businesses so reluctant to hire, workers are being forced to do more with the added fear that they can be easily replaced.  Not a good recipe for high emotional energy, but fortunately there is a lot we can do about it.  Here’s the interview: Read the rest of this entry. »

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay in a time of recession

More and more people these days, and you may be one of them, find themselves in an uncomfortable dilemma.  As times get tough for them economically, stress rises and there is more and more conflict with one’s partner.  It’s not just that you’re more likely to fight over money when there is less of it.  You’re more likely to fight over everything.  Stress does that too you.  So when economic times are tough, and your relationship is getting really iffy, how do you make the decision to stay or leave? Read the rest of this entry. »

Making sure an affair doesn’t ruin your life

We’ve gotten a lot of response to this little series so far.  And based on what we’ve heard, it might be worth making something clear.  The best thing to do is: Don’t cheat.  It’s messy, hurtful, risky, and can leave a lot of bad feelings.  But people will cheat.  If every single religious teaching doesn’t work to stop it, this blog certainly won’t.  So what we’re trying to do here is slow things down.  If the word don’t doesn’t work (and it doesn’t), then maybe the words look before you leap will. 

We’ve already talked about how people get in trouble by being too confident that their spouse won’t find out and, last time, about how to think clearly about the consequences.  Now it’s time for you to examine your motives.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Making sure an affair doesn’t ruin your life

OK, here we go: more things to think about before you have that affair.  We’re not saying no, don’t do it.  That’s too easy.  Instead, we’re saying, just make sure you don’t do something you’re going to regret.  Big time.  Look before you leap, and here are some things to look for.  Last time, we talked about why you shouldn’t be so sure your spouse won’t find out.  This time, let’s look at what will happen if your partner does find out, which is probably more likely than you think.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Making sure an affair doesn’t ruin your life

Well, summer is still here, the weather looks nice, and maybe you’re thinking this is the perfect time to have an affair.  You know: to take the plunge and go from doing something you would tell your spouse about (“I had lunch today with Chris from marketing.  We talked about the new product line.”) to doing something you wouldn’t want to tell your spouse about (“…and then we talked about how lonely we were, got a little drunk, went to a hotel, and had sex.”).  Of course, you’re free to do what you want.  But is it what you want?  How can you tell what you want?  How can you regret-proof this decision that might change your life? Read the rest of this entry. »

How to remain young at heart: the secrets of eternal emotional youthfulness

The heart is the first thing to go.  And so last but not least in our series on staying young forever: how to stay young emotionally.  It’s been quite a journey.  We started here, with a deep insight into how your mind can keep you young longer than you might ever have thought possible.  Then we focused in on how to keep your body functioning and feeling young.  And in our previous blog we showed you how to keep your brain at its youthful best.  And now the secrets of emotional youth.  This is the most important part of all.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Your brain can stay young forever, oh yeah

Ok, we’ve talked about keeping your body young as you age in our series on preventing premature aging that started here.  Next up: your brain.  And here’s where seeming miracles can and do happen all the time.  Although bodies do age in spite of our best efforts, the brain really can stay young forever.  There are 90-year-olds who look and function physically like people in their fit 60s.  But those same 90-year-olds can have brains as youthful as someone in their 30s or 40s.  But how do you accomplish this seeming miracle? Read the rest of this entry. »

The latest reader response

I don’t usually publish new Amazon reviews here—even the really good ones!—because there are too many of them, and it can seem like bragging.  But I thought you might want to see the latest review on Amazon of When Good People Have Affairs.  Read the rest of this entry. »