The Chestnuthill Institute -- Mira Kirshenbaum -- Dr. Charles Foster

How healthy is your sex life?

Mira and Charles — Thu, 17 May 2012 18:46:58 +0000

Not long ago a well-known sex therapist came to me for help. She started by saying that she was concerned about her marriage. It soon became clear that one of the biggest problems she and her husband had was sex.

She was so embarrassed to tell me this she cried. But it turned out that she was afraid there was something wrong with their sex life. (more…)

Keeping sex sexy

Mira and Charles — Mon, 14 May 2012 21:10:38 +0000

Maggie had a very disturbing conversation about sex with her grandmother. No, it wasn’t simply because she was talking about sex with her grandmother. That might be a scary idea for some people, but Maggie and her grandmother were very close. They talked about everything.

Maggie was a newlywed, and she and her grandmother were talking about what sex is like after you get married. Maggie was expecting to be patronizing about poor Nana’s medieval sex life back then, but she was in for a big surprise. (more…)

Happy marriage secrets

Mira and Charles — Sat, 12 May 2012 16:42:42 +0000

The ultimate, best ever, top 10 do’s and don’t’s for having a long, satisfying marriage

If you want a long, happy marriage, all you need is a bathroom mirror. Then write down these 10 do’s and don’ts, tape them to the side of your bathroom mirror where you can see them every day, and you’ll be all set. Of course you actually have to do the do’s and not do the don’ts, but that’s a mere detail.

The point is — and it’s a revolutionary point, when you think about it — that you don’t have to be a genius or a saint for the two of you to stay happy with each other. Love is a strong, healthy force. All you have to do is nurture it a little bit and avoid screwing it up too badly. And it will be there for you when you’re in your golden years.

Okay, in no particular order, here are our top 10 most important do’s and don’ts: (more…)

Why you’re wonderful

Mira and Charles — Fri, 11 May 2012 21:01:12 +0000

…and why you need to realize you’re wonderful

Let me tell you about a woman who started working with me a while back. When I first saw her I thought she was very nice looking and as I got to know her—flaws first, because that’s the way it goes in therapy—I got a sense that she actually was probably a pretty terrific person.

But she was in a terrible place. (more…)

“She pulled off her shirt and bra…”

Mira and Charles — Thu, 03 May 2012 16:55:17 +0000

Healing the damage from betrayal

Reynolds testified that she observed a dramatic confrontation between Elizabeth and John Edwards and that, in the course of the argument, Elizabeth Edwards pulled off her shirt and bra, leaving herself bare-chested.

“You don’t see me anymore,” Reynolds quoted the wife as saying to Edwards.

Out of the John Edwards campaign violations trial comes an important illustration of one of the central themes in I Love You but I Don’t Trust You.

The moment was reported in a piece here. Why would Elizabeth Edwards, a smart, capable, together woman strip to the waist in public like that? Why would she say, “You don’t see me anymore”? (more…)

What’s the secret of intimacy?

Mira and Charles — Wed, 02 May 2012 20:08:00 +0000

Making it comfortable to get close in a time-starved world

Aaaaannnd . . . back to our series of most popular posting from the past. This one got a huge response because it addressed a big hunger:

Intimacy is a big problem for couples today. We’re so busy, so stressed out; there’s just no time. So what can we do to feel close and connected in the midst of our jam-packed lives? (more…)

The divorce decision

Mira and Charles — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 16:46:01 +0000

Split up? Or hang in there?

The National is a fascinating and well-worth-checking-out newspaper published in the United Arab Emirates, where, it turns out, our work has a lot of fans! Here, in the latest in our ripped-from-the-headlines series, is a piece on divorce from the perspective of a place where divorce is a new idea for some. (more…)

Go grab some zzzzz’s

Mira and Charles — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 16:20:07 +0000

Your sleep deficit may be ruining your life!

When we wrote the award-winning The Emotional Energy Factor, one of our premises was that most of us are pretty healthy, so if we want more energy we’re going to have to focus on our widely depleted emotional energy. This is true, but there is one area where our physical energy is seriously under threat: (more…)

Salvaging a trust-busted relationship

Mira and Charles — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:23:41 +0000

New interview just out

Ripped-from-the-headline time! Here’s a brand-new interview on Cupid’s Pulse, a cool website. It’s one of the smartest, most comprehensive interviews of I Love You but I Don’t Trust You. Please check it out!

Annoying people

Mira and Charles — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:51:15 +0000

When your partner’s being annoying threatens your relationship

And now . . . back to our series of most popular blog posts from the past:

I’ve seen couples survive betrayal, abuse, tragedy, incompatibility, insanity, termites, alien abductions, you name it. But I’ve never seen couples survive when the one person finds the other annoying. (more…)