DR. CHARLES FOSTER

Dr. Charles Foster has an international reputation as a therapist for individuals, couples, and families and as a consultant for organizations of all sizes. He is co-founder and research director of The Chestnut Hill Institute. And with Mira Kirshenbaum, he is author, co-author, and lead researcher of over thirteen books. He has lectured at the Harvard Medical School and has made numerous TV appearances.

Following up on “We don’t really have many friends”

Wow.  That’s all we can say.  Our blog on how most couples don’t feel they have many couple friends really struck a nerve.  We were swamped with responses.  They ranged from “Yikes!  Read the rest of this entry. »

When Good People Have Affairs: coping with the aftermath

Today, after the Tiger Woods apology, it’s time to take another look at this sad story.  There have been no end of silly things said about Tiger Woods’ affairs and it’s impact on his marriage to Elin, to say nothing of its impact on his career.  But maybe the important question isn’t what we have to say about this catastrophe, but what this catastrophe has to say to us.  Can we learn anything from this billionaire sports super-star’s experience? Read the rest of this entry. »

The next installment of “I thought I was the only one who…”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had the following conversation with a couple I’m working with.  It goes something like this.

At some point, one person in the couple, with great shame and hesitation, says that they don’t have any (or many) friends. 

Then I say, “Oh, that’s very common.  Most couples tell me that they don’t have many friends.  This is a huge issue for most couples.”

The two people lean forward, mouths agape.  “Really!?!?!  We thought we were the only ones!” Read the rest of this entry. »

Doing something wonderful for V-day

OK, you have someone in your life.  Maybe the two of you are just getting serious.  Maybe you’ve been married for a long time.  Or anything in between.  And then Valentine’s Day looms.  The airwaves are filled with ads for expensive jewelry and costly romantic vacations.  High-priced restaurants lure you to show your love by spending a fortune on dinner.  Mail-order teddy bears and pajamas.  Public-radio roses. 

Add to all of this the look in your partner’s eye that seems to say: deliver or else.  Plus, we want to be able to step up to the plate and hit it out of the park.  How do we live up to all this pressure?  Read the rest of this entry. »

If you’re not in a relationship

Valentine’s Day is a time of great insecurity for many, many people.  In this two-part blog, we’re going to look first at the anxiety many of us feel about not being in a relationship when Valentine’s Day rolls around.  Tomorrow, in Part 2, I want to offer some help for the anxieties many of us feel who are already in a relationship around Valentine’s Day.

So how do you happily get through V-day when you’re not in a relationship?  Read the rest of this entry. »

We did not set out to write “the greatest relationship book ever.”  Yes, we’re proud of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.  Yes, we’re proud of the way it has helped countless people either accept just how good their marriage really is or find the understanding they need to leave a bad marriage.  Still, we’d be too modest to call anything we wrote the best anything.  But they say “It ain’t bragging if it’s true,” and it’s a fact that an awful lot of people have called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay “the greatest relationship book ever.”  We get emails saying that all the time, and you can read reviews saying that on Amazon. 

And now, starting today, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is available in audio-book format.  Now you can listen to it on your iPod or in the privacy of your car.  And that kind of privacy is important to a lot of people.  Order it today.  The least expensive version (MP3 only) is already temporarily sold out (but don’t worry: plenty more will be available very soon).  But other versions like this one (CD plus MP3) and this one (CD only) are for now still available right now.  Here’s where to go if you want to hear a sample. 

But if you’ve never heard of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay you might be wondering what makes this book so special.  Read the rest of this entry. »

When you fall off the wagon

First, an update.  Lost another pound last week.  Right on target.  And I feel particularly good about it because I had to negotiate the massive Super Bowl hurdle.  But it wasn’t really all that hard.  It ain’t rocket science.  Here’s what got me through it.  Tips:  Don’t buy food you’re gonna regret eating.  Eat your vegetables (I had some guacamole but ate it with baby carrots.)  Control your portions.  Eat food you enjoy (I had some sautéed mushrooms which I like a lot.)

OK, now for this last blog (for now) on Dr. Foster’s damn-good diet.  Got an email from someone a few days ago: “I ate 6 Oreos last night at midnight—I am scared old habits are returning.  Must re-focus.”  And the question in front of us is, What do you do if you slip?  Read the rest of this entry. »

Personal and life-style issues

OK, here we are, close to the last stop on Dr. Foster’s damn-good diet train.  Today we’re going to work on overcoming the personal and life-style issues that get in the way of losing weight.  We’ve already talked about getting support and making yourself accountable as I launched my own diet right on live TV, about figuring out just how to get on track and stay on track for optimal weight loss, about motivation, the emotion fuel to keep you going with your weight-loss program, and about the emotional issues that prevent you from losing weight.   

The person and life-style issues I want to talk about are all over the place, from skipping breakfast in the morning, to eating in the car, to snacking late at night.  So let me get to the bottom line right away.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Emotional issues

People who are overweight often have an emotional connection with food.  It would be so easy to lose weight if we ate only when we were hungry and stopped eating as soon as we started to stop feeling hungry.  But in fact every single emotion can be an eating trigger.  I have eaten when sad, anxious, stressed out, bored, happy, angry, you name it.  And I’m not alone.  But this is actually good news.  It means that if you can identify your emotions you can stop the automatic emotional eating.  Here’s how you do it, and it’s an essential part of Dr. Foster’s damn-good diet.  Read the rest of this entry. »

Staying motivated

OK, motivation: the next step in laying out Dr. Foster’s damn-good diet.  It’s simple, really,  Motivation is made up of just three things:

First, success.  They say motivation leads to success.  And it does.  But success leads to motivation too.  What this means is that to stay motivated you need to have successes.  This is why, for example, some weight-loss programs try to get you to lose a lot of weight right off the bat. 

But here’s the thing.  Losing weight is a marathon, not a sprint.  So here’s how to keep having the successes you need to keep you motivated. Read the rest of this entry. »