Endorsements
"Mira Kirshenbaum has done it again! She has tackled the most difficult of issues and in so doing offers the reader clear and powerful tools for moving on and through the complexities of an affair. Every psychotherapist in the field knows that working with people involved in affairs is painful for all concerned. These are not bad people, as it would be too easy to assume. These are good people working through complicated issues, feelings and needs. With steps for identifying why and then what next, this book will serve not only those who are personally involved with affairs, but also those in the helping role. I look forward to having it available as a recommendation for clients and as an aide in my own psychotherapy practice."
– Dr. Dorothy Firman, Director, The Synthesis Center , Amherst , MA. Co-author of Daughters and Mothers: Making it Work, Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter Soul, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Celebrating Mothers and Daughters and Chicken Soup for the Father and Son Soul
"These are very needed words of wisdom. Important reading for anyone about to make a decision after the affair."
– Cloe Madanes, author of Strategic Family Therapy, www.robbinsmadanes.com
"Once again Mira Kirshenbaum has written a timely and most needed book. Mira addresses the often painful question of whether good people can and do have affairs. This question plagues many marriages in America today and Mira has written the book that provides methodical, insightful answers to this very disturbing dilemma. I highly recommend Mira's new offering to anyone who has had an affair, been the object of an affair, or anyone who has thought of having an affair."
– Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D., author of Performance Addiction and The Power of Empathy
"You can hardly turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper these days without hearing about some prominent person having an affair! The condemnation of such behavior is pretty universal, but the fact is that the headlines are only a tiny bit of the story. We ultimately want to know, in fact need to know, why these laisions happen--to everyday people as well as luminaries-- even when there is considerable risk involved for a person's career, family, reputation and emotional welfare.
"Mira Kirshenbaum's book gets to the heart of the matter-- not just for interested bystanders-- but for the people who find themselves in a place most of them never thought they'd be-- a triangle. For people who now find themselves confused and conflicted, living a double life, with only their own counsel for a guide, this book is invaluable. A trusted expert and wise friend is now available to help people ask and answer the questions they must ask themselves: What am I doing? What do I want? What do I deserve? What does my partner and family deserve? What should I do next?
"Kirshenbaum lets the reader know , right from the beginning, that she believes a good person can be caught up in morally compromised actions. If that shocks you-- well you need to read the book to see why a good person could be in an affair-- and how a good person should act once this has happened. Furthermore, the author believes that if we see why such a person could have an affair. We might be able to help affairs from happening in the first place-- or be more able to help ourself-- or the relationship--recover from being betrayed --
"When Good People Have Affairs is a fascinating and insightful read. For people in affairs, or the people who counsel them, or the partner who is trying to make sense out of how this could happen to him or her-- this is a guidebook that will help each affected person navigate dangerous and emotionally difficult territory."
– Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Prime: Adventures and advice about sex and love in the sensual years
"The 'sexual correctness police' surround us all the time and are so menacing we are often afraid to speak honestly and hence revert to humor to diffuse our anxieties. Mira Kirshenbaum has dared to break the rules, not by advocating for affairs (which too often are very destructive) but for acknowledging that they are happening, and giving advice to minimize the hurts and maximize the capacity of people to treat the others involved with the dignity and honesty they deserve."
– Rabbi Michael Lerner, editor of Tikkun Magazine and chair of The Network of Spiritual Progressives
"The first practical, non-judgmental solution to infidelity. Kirshenbaum’s ability to bring clarity out of a deeply confusing issue is amazing. This book is a must read for the 50% of Americans whose lives have been affected by infidelity. It could save many relationships."
– Dr. Val Jones, Senior Medical Director of Revolution Health, and author of Dr. Val and the Voice of Reason – an award winning medical blog. Also a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and a former minister.
"If you've found yourself caught up in a love triangle, from any angle, Kirshenbaum's When Good People Have Affairs provides an indispensable guide to what the person in two relationships is dealing with. If you are that person, this book will save you from a world of misery and help you do what's best for everyone. If you're the spouse or lover, this is a necessary guide to help you survive and thrive in the face of what you are really dealing with."
– Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., author of Five Wishes and co-author, with Kathlyn Hendricks, of Conscious Loving
"Mira Kirshenbaum once again brings us a must-read book. Whether you are having an affair or are thinking about it, or your partner is having an affair, this book is for you. Kirshenbaum brings us practical steps for understanding affairs and utilizing the mistakes we make for a deeper healing. This book can help strengthen all our relationships."
– Rabbi Ted Falcon, Ph.D., rabbi of Bet Alef: An Inclusive Spiritual Synagogue in Seattle, author of Journey of Awakening and co-author of Judaism For Dummies
"This book is brilliantly written for anyone entrapped in a messy affair. Powerful, pragmatic answers clarify how to sanely address infidelity."
– Lee Raffel, M.SW. author of I Hate Conflict! Seven Steps to Resolving Differences with Anyone in Your Life
"When Good People Have Affairs helps unfaithful partners cut through their confusion and choose a course of action that serves their best interest. A wise and welcome addition to the self-help literature on infidelity."
– Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?
"Taking an unpopular perspective, Mira Kirshenbaum gives voice to the women and men who find themselves involved in an affair. With compassion and wisdom, she challenges the reader to understand and cope with his or her own infidelity. Asking difficult and incisive questions, she expertly guides the reader through the complex decisions that need to made in the aftermath."
– Constance Ahrons author of The Good Divorce and We're Still Family
"Kirshenbaum meets us right at the heart of an illicit affair and juggling two lovers. Her research and experience shows most people who have affairs want what’s best for everyone involved. Her absolute acceptance and wisdom teach us how we can trust ourselves, despite feeling crazy, to untangle our love triangles and live with choices that are free of regret and ambivalence. We can clearly decide what is good for us and what will lead to our happiness." – Diana Mercer, JD, Attorney-Mediator and Founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services
"An important and insightful book on a very difficult topic."
– Gayle Rosenwald Smith author of Divorce and Money: Everything You Need to Know
"Every pastor, therapist, and counselor should read this book. Mira Kirshenbaum, through decades of clinical experience, demystifies affairs with wisdom, humor, buckets of common sense, and most of all, deep compassion for all involved. She provides from every perspective, including the children, clear guidelines for decision making and the follow through necessary for a long and healthy relationship. This book resonates profoundly with my 38 years of ministering with people in relationships. Even the happily married would benefit from reading When Good People Have Affairs."
– M. Thomas Shaw, SSJE Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts
"Mira Kirshenbaum's latest book delivers on its promise of a refreshing perspective on men and women and their relationships. It offers an open-minded and open-hearted view of what to do in the midst of what is often an overwhelmingly complex dilemna. She clearly delineates a thoughtful and provocative process that allows for understanding, clarity, and uncluttered decision-making. I was struck by her ability to offer the reader a very practical and creative approach to dealing with this situation. She unravels the mystery of the perennial question of why to what now. There is a great deal of hope and possibility for growth as we all realize there is a way through this difficult journey. The very practical recommendations and examples of how they worked for some of her clients were the perfect way to cut through the perplexing issues that present themselves. Woven throughout this book is the awareness of forgiveness and acceptance so integral to the healing process for all those affected by an affair. I highly recommend this book both for individuals looking for a guide to sort their way through an affair as well as for those professionals who are working with them."
– Kathy Reiss, Chaplain
