Archive for August 2014
Last time we talked about what a lousy job most couples make of trying to work out a solution to their conflicts. We showed all the things people do wrong. Things that end up with a disheartening fight instead of the hopefulness of a solution.
But how DO you do it right?
You’d be surprised at how easy it is to do it right. The procedure is very simple and straightforward, but you do have to follow it! Otherwise you’ll land back in the soup. This procedure is what everyday couples actually do who manage to avoid conflict and yet find their way to real solutions to their conflicts.
Here are the steps: (more…)
If you want to see something really horrifying, just watch a couple try to solve a conflict by negotiating their way to an agreement. Most of them can’t do it! I’ve worked with couples for something like 40,000 hours, and what you see is anything but two people trying to solve a problem. Even really smart people struggle with this. Even people who negotiate for a living have trouble!
Here’s what you see instead of good old problem solving:
- people working themselves up into a lather trying to (more…)
You know that image of the sweet older couple walking down the street holding hands? We’re all touched when we see something like that. We hope that’s us one day, growing old with someone we love, having a loving companion as we age.
And it can happen. It happens all the time. But here’s something else that happens all too often, except that people don’t always see it: it’s when an older couple just can’t stand each other. When they fight all the time. When their children dread the parents’ visit because it means watching their parents’ say shockingly mean things to each other.
Instead of a lifetime of patience and compromise and understanding leading to the promised land of companionship and affection, there is (more…)
Last time we talked about what stress implosions are and how they work. The point being that this is the mechanism by which stress destroys marriages. Most marriages are stress vulnerable, and most of our lives are filled with stress. This is a recipe for disaster. At the end of that post we said we’d show you how to dial back the stress.
Now I know something about you, which is that (more…)