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Archive for June 2013

Fast and easy marriage renovation

by Mira and Charles on June 30th, 2013

The top five things you can do to renew your marriage

Want to renovate your kitchen or bathroom?  Be careful!  It’ll cost tens of thousands of dollars and a ton of aggravation.  But if you want the biggest bang for your buck, why not renovate your marriage?  It’s free, easier than you think, and has a huge payoff.

Here are the top five things you can do to renovate your marriage:

1.  More (more…)

Making sure love is better the second time around

by Mira and Charles on June 29th, 2013

Our patient had come out of a long and painful unwinding of his marriage.  He’d loved his wife and done his best—they both had—but the rope of marriage frayed and one day it snapped and it was all over. 

Now he was starting over, dating a number of women, exploring what he wanted now from a woman and even who he was. 

And he was scared.  He wanted to be in a relationship but (more…)

Marriage came alive on Wednesday

by Mira and Charles on June 28th, 2013

In an important way, marriage was reborn in America on Wednesday, 26 June 2013, with the two Supreme Court decisions on same-sex marriage. 

Yes, I know: the road to Wednesday began a long time ago, with Vermont recognizing civil unions as one landmark, with Stonewall in 1969 as another even earlier landmark.  It’s been a long road. 

And there’s a long way to go.  Wednesday there was no Roe v. Wade nationalizing the freedom so many have been seeking.  Gay marriage is still up to the states, and in some states change may be a very long time in coming. 

But the federal government now officially recognized gay marriage and the California decision enshrines the essential unreasonableness of the war against the right of gay and Lesbian folks to get married. 

We have turned a corner.  This is a turning utterly unimaginable 40 years ago, when freedom from violent persecution was the highest hope of many in the gay community. 

Those of us in sympathy with or part of the struggles of the LGBT community for dignity and human rights can well rejoice. 

But there is a special lesson in all of this for those of us who’ve always had the freedom to marry.  We’ve been given (more…)

How to have long-lasting love

by Mira and Charles on June 27th, 2013

Again, you asked for this.  So, again, here it is.  It’s kind of a big deal.   

If you want a long, happy marriage, all you need is (more…)

Sweet revenge? Or a poison pill?

by Mira and Charles on June 25th, 2013

You never know what people are going to ask.  One of you emailed me this question that I think all of us have wondered about at some point:

Is revenge ever worth it?  Or is the desire for revenge bad karma? If you are “screwed over,” is it healthy to get back at the other person or is it inherently wrong, even just a little bit (nothing violent or life-threatening, of course)?

Well, not being Hindu I don’t know much about karma.  My field is psychology and relationships. And that’s where I have a lot to say about this question.

Look, the desire for anything isn’t wrong. It’s doing bad things that’s wrong. I think you should accept the fact that your desire for revenge is normal and understandable.

At the same time, this desire for revenge is (more…)

Successful fighting, follow up

by Mira and Charles on June 21st, 2013

This is a follow up to the first blog on how to have a successful fight and the next blog that offered more.  This one here is answers to more follow up questions, and I think some really interesting areas get touched on.  (Remember: this is all from an on-going interview for a major magazine piece.)

Q:  DON’T label his behavior. Saying “you’re a this or that-CAN WE GET AN EXAMPLE OF SOME THINGS YOU HEAR COUPLES CALLING EACH OTHER?”

CHI: Well! Couples call each other anything. “Maybe all your problems come from having a small penis.” A double put down. Guys will drop the C-bomb on their partners, and then it’s World War III! But the worst name calling—the most destructive—is (more…)

Sexual healing

by Mira and Charles on June 19th, 2013

Thanks, Marvin Gaye, for a great title for this blog. Just so no one’s confused, I’m not talking about using sex to heal the bruised, confused parts of our lives. No, I’m talking about healing our actual sex lives. And the truth is that most people who are in a committed relationship would say that there are parts of their sex lives that need improvement.

I’d like to show you how to create some healing in your sex life. The fact that it needs healing doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just that we can all do better.

And doing better is important. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more it makes you feel good about yourselves as a couple if you can keep doing things to keep your sexual relationship alive. Perfection is not the goal. Feeling hopeful and engaged is.

So how do you improve your sexual relationship? (more…)

“Sometimes I hate my therapist”

by Mira and Charles on June 18th, 2013

How to know when you’re receiving bad therapy

I had to drag it out of her. My friend had started therapy almost a year ago and from time to time I’d asked her how it was going. Not to pry. I just wanted her to know I cared.

Finally she spilled the beans. “Sometimes I hate my therapist. I didn’t want to tell you because…I don’t know…”

But I understood. She was afraid I’d think she was being disloyal to the club I belong to. If only she knew! The truth is I’m very critical of what many people in my profession do. There are a lot of terrific therapists, but there are also a lot of damaging time-wasters. 

Here was the nub of the problem. My friend didn’t know if (more…)

A Father’s Day reflection on being a great dad

by Mira and Charles on June 12th, 2013

The amazing art of being a father today

It’s not easy being a dad, especially today, when expectations have risen so high and when there are so many demands on us.  What I want to do here is honor dads while showing that maybe being a great dad is just a bit easier than you might have thought. 

So what IS involved in being a great dad? 

For a lot of fathers being a dad is all about being a good provider.  There is just one problem with this, and it’s an age-old problem.  If (more…)

“That was a good fight!” continued…

by Mira and Charles on June 11th, 2013

A few days ago we wrote a post on how to have a successful fight (check it out for some really important tips).  A much loved women’s magazine has picked up on this and followed up with some questions.  So here they are, in the latest in our ripped-from-the-headlines series:

Q1:  Do you see a lot of couples struggle with this? 

CHI1:  Most couples suffer from (more…)

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a selection of our books

  • I Love You But I Don't Trust You
  • Is He Mr. Right?
  • Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
  • Everything Happens for a Reason
  • Feel Better Fast
  • Emotional Energy Factor
  • Parent/Teen Breakthrough
  • What Do I Do Now?
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