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Archive for November 2012

The very best tip for lasting love

by Mira and Charles on November 27th, 2012

For too many of us, marriage is liking living next door to a really good restaurant you can’t afford. The good stuff is there, but you’re not getting it.

Want to bring the good stuff back into your relationship? We’ve got a fast, easy, and powerful way that’s guaranteed to bring back that loving feeling:

Each of you (more…)

When Thanksgiving turns blue

by Mira and Charles on November 21st, 2012

I’ve been hearing from a lot of people about their having dark thoughts as Turkey Day approaches. These mostly aren’t depressed people. They’re mostly people whose lives are going well. It’s really just something about Thanksgiving itself that adds a blue tinge to the thoughts many of us have.

Here’s what I’m talking about, and what perhaps we can do about it:

Sometimes we have trouble giving thanks for our good fortune when we see others with so much misfortune.

I get it. There is a lot of misfortune around, and for some reason we may be more sensitive to it on Thanksgiving. But here’s the deal. No one (more…)

Having a happy family Thanksgiving

by Mira and Charles on November 19th, 2012

It’s a day for thanks. It’s a day for giving. At least it should be. But too often Thanksgiving is a day marred – destroyed sometimes – by the stress of going overboard, the tension that goes with travel, and by some family members acting badly. So sad. Especially when it’s so easy to have a happy Thanksgiving. The rules are few and simple.

  1. Stop trying to (more…)

The post-election Republican party, pt. 2

by Mira and Charles on November 16th, 2012

Understanding families by seeing how the Republican party is dealing with potential change

Before we get started, let me re-iterate: we are completely non-partisan here and carry no brief for either political party. Our job is to understand families and to figure out better and better ways to help them. But when I saw what was happening in the Republican party after Romney’s loss to Obama, I realized it was a perfect laboratory to understand the dynamics that come into play with respect to change in families. That’s because we will all see over the next 4 years how the Republicans deal with what they themselves see as a need to change in some way or another.

Last time, I looked at two aspects of this: The trouble people have being able to admit that there is a problem, and the huge difficulties people have in agreeing what the problem is. This latter point—agreeing one what the problem is—can become incredibly challenging because everyone instinctively understands that that the minute the problem is defined, there are winners and losers. (more…)

The post-election Republican party

by Mira and Charles on November 14th, 2012

A family-therapy perspective

A warning! I’m going to talk about politics here, but this is not really about politics at all. It really has to do with what we’re all about here at the Chestnut Hill Institute: psychotherapy and family therapy. I will try hard as hell not to be partisan here, pro or con, because partisanship has no place in a therapeutic setting.

But the more I listened to Republicans talk about their losses in the just-past election, the parallels with family therapy started leaping out at me. So I think of this as a learning opportunity: a chance to use the real-life drama of the Republican party dealing with its losses as a way to help us all understand better that family therapy is all about.

Let’s take as our starting point (more…)

“What the hell was Petraeus thinking?”

by Mira and Charles on November 12th, 2012

What happened and what’s next for David, Holly, and Paula

Since the Petraeus affair exploded on Friday, my inbox has exploded with questions from people who are genuinely disturbed about it. It’s really hard for us to take something like this in stride. A smart, sane, sober, ambitious guy suddenly sees his private life or his career or both collapse in a heap just because he couldn’t keep it zipped. It’s not like car accidents, where we assume that even a careful driver will have his share of mishaps. No one ever has to have an affair.

So when we hear about the Petraeus/Broadwell affair, it shakes us up. If you’re a woman, you think, “If a guy like Petraeus can screw up like this, why should I trust my husband?” If you’re a man, you think, “Wow, am I next?”

In other words, are we all doomed? (more…)

What happens in therapy, Pt. 2

by Mira and Charles on November 8th, 2012

More amazing possibilities in psychotherapy

Last time we began a series introducing the range of tools we have for helping people here at The Chestnut Hill Institute. We started by talking about how transformative it can be to help people gain certain life skills they’d not yet picked up.

This time I want to talk about the change tool that’s generally called cognitive-behavioral therapy. This is important because, among other things, it could save your life. Check out this (more…)

A great new 5-star review

by Mira and Charles on November 5th, 2012

If you have trust issues in your relationship . . .

We get good new reviews of our books all the time, but every once in a while one comes along that is so good it makes us bust our buttons with pride, and we want to share it with you.

This review is about I Love You but I Don’t Trust You. It’s from a woman who calls herself Amber. You can check it out for yourself here, but this is what she says:

I started reading this book on the preview page that was displayed on Amazon…I was telling a friend about it, and how much I related to just the few pages that I could see without buying the book. A few days later, I came home and this book was in my mailbox; my friend had (more…)

What happens in therapy

by Mira and Charles on November 3rd, 2012

The amazing possibilities of psychotherapy

And here begins a new series: this time we are going to open up the amazing possibilities for what can happen in psychotherapy and couples and family therapy these days.

Long gone are the days when “insight” was the whole story. Insight is certainly still important, but there is so much more going on, so many ways therapists can help make change, so many more dimensions that can be touched.

And what we’re going to do is explore these dimensions in a series of blogs, each one looking at a different tool or change mechanism that has the possibility of transforming a person’s life.

Taken all together, these represent the full armamentarium of active ingredients in successful therapy. The point is that good therapists have A LOT of tools at their disposal.

And the first change mechanism I want to look at is (more…)

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a selection of our books

  • I Love You But I Don't Trust You
  • Is He Mr. Right?
  • Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
  • Everything Happens for a Reason
  • Feel Better Fast
  • Emotional Energy Factor
  • Parent/Teen Breakthrough
  • What Do I Do Now?
more books . . .