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Archive for July 2012

Gimme drugs!

by Mira and Charles on July 30th, 2012

Taking another look at psychiatric medication

Diana Spechler is a young writer who was struggling with insomnia. She’d fall asleep well enough but then wake up in the middle of the night swamped by anxious thoughts. She wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. And so she would go on to face her day anxious and exhausted.

Therapy didn’t seem to work—though there is a bit of evidence that the therapy was on the wrong track. So Diana describes how she turned to drug therapy—Klonopin in this case. And what was the net result? (more…)

“Can I borrow $2000 from you?”

by Mira and Charles on July 27th, 2012

The truth about lending money to friends and relatives

A recent piece in Salon brought this old but still very hot issue back into the headlines. What do you do if a friend or relative asks for a loan of a significant amount of money? Not “Can you lend me a few bucks to tip this guy?” but “Can you lend me $2000 until I get back on my feet?” What do you do? (more…)

Making each other happy

by Mira and Charles on July 24th, 2012

Come on—what really makes you happy? I’m not talking about the kinds of generalities we automatically point to when asked this question like God or family or good health. I mean specifically, every day, what makes you happy in a way that actually changes the way you feel, that lifts your heart like helium surging into a balloon. Understanding this could change your life. (more…)

On being a single mom

by Mira and Charles on July 20th, 2012

What’s best for the kids?

A recent long article in the New York Times has brought an old topic back to the front burner, though for most single moms this topic never leaves the front burner.

The question is, Does it put kids at a disadvantage to be brought up by a single mom? (more…)

The children of divorce, revisited

by Mira and Charles on July 17th, 2012

Once more: the impact of divorce on children

I learned in this piece in Slate that Judith Wallerstein died last month at the age of 90. She was married to the same man for 60 years. God bless her for a long and, it seems, happy life.

Wallerstein is important because it was she who, in 1971, started the California Children of Divorce study. This study, which claimed that divorce had a generally devastating effect on the children involved, resulted in many books and articles.

But there was a huge problem with this study. It was, in fact, worthless.  (more…)

The hell of annoying people

by Mira and Charles on July 13th, 2012

“The most annoying man in the world”

I’ve seen couples survive betrayal, abuse, tragedy, incompatibility, insanity, termites, alien abductions, you name it. But I’ve never seen marriages survive when the one person finds the other annoying. Let me put it this way. Bill Gates is the richest man in the world. Even if he were also the handsomest, sweetest, sexiest guy in the world, if you were in a relationship with him and you found him annoying, you’d still end up feeling “let me out of here!” even if you’d signed an iron-clad pre-nup that gave you nothing if you left.

You might think you can suck it up, but you can’t. Being with an annoying partner is like living downwind from a pig farm. There’s no way you can get used to it.

Here’s how Ann, 36, described it. “Brad is a really good guy. A sweet guy, really. That’s what makes this so hard. He’s also the most annoying man in the world. He’s still young, but (more…)

Toxic relationships

by Mira and Charles on July 11th, 2012

Is a friend or relative poisoning your life?

Here’s another in our most-popular-blog-post series.

Are you stuck in a toxic relationship?  If so, it’s a big deal, because toxic relationships waste a lot of time and do a lot of damage.

But what exactly is a toxic relationship?

In the last few years there’s actually been a revolution in our understanding of toxic relationships, and it’s one that I had a lot to do with developing.

I’ll make it real simple. A toxic relationship is one that (more…)

How do I leave an unhealthy, controlling relationship?

by Mira and Charles on July 9th, 2012

Here we are back to our series of most popular blog posts. We knew this on was important; we were surprised at how popular it was.

Question: How do you leave an unhealthy, controlling relationship when kids are involved without unraveling the rest of your life (work, school, where you live)? (more…)

Good people doing bad things, revisited

by Mira and Charles on July 4th, 2012

Who do you really have to watch out for?

We here at the Chestnut Hill Institute have a long history of being vindicated for the ideas we’ve promulgated. For example, some people didn’t believe it when we said that the best thing you can do for your teenager is have a good relationship with him or her. But growing research from the National Institute on Drug Abuse and other agencies has consistently supported the idea that a good parent/teen relationship is the best way to increase your teen’s chances of staying away from drugs.

Now here’s another example of our vindication. Some people ridiculed us for the title of one of our most recent books, When Good People Have Affairs (check out all the amazing reviews on Amazon!). How can good people do bad things? they wondered.

Amazing new research shows that it is precisely the good people you have to worry about. (more…)

“What was she thinking?”

by Mira and Charles on July 2nd, 2012

Lessons from the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise breakup

It’s surprising how totally unsurprising was the news that Katie Holmes was pulling the plug on her marriage to Tom Cruise. In every article I’ve looked at, the writer claimed to have seen this coming for a long time. Since the beginning, actually.

Is this all a lot of brilliant foresight? Or just bravado?

Maybe neither. Maybe all the people who kept saying, “What was she thinking?” were just showing common sense. More common sense than many of us show when we get married ourselves.

This is not about Katie, or Tom, or Scientology either, for that matter. It’s about you and me and the ways we can avoid making mistakes when starting a new relationship. It’s about never being in a position where other people will say of us, “What was she thinking?” (more…)

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a selection of our books

  • I Love You But I Don't Trust You
  • Is He Mr. Right?
  • Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
  • Everything Happens for a Reason
  • Feel Better Fast
  • Emotional Energy Factor
  • Parent/Teen Breakthrough
  • What Do I Do Now?
more books . . .