I realized something yesterday: I’ve never known a depressed woman who didn’t also accuse herself of being selfish. It was really striking. What’s going on with this? What is the connection between depression and women feeling they’re being selfish? (more…)
Archive for April 2011
What to do when things go really wrong in your marriage
We’ve seen it happen so many times, particularly these days when we’re all under so much pressure. You and your partner are going along OK, not great, because with all the stress and time pressure there’s always a little edge that just doesn’t go away. And then it happens: one of you does something hurtful, maybe two hurtful things in row. Not because you’re a bad person–hey, if your partner does something because he/she is a bad person, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. But there you are: hurt, scared, upset, and really, really angry. And yeah, you’re thinking about ending things. Now you know how it goes from this point. Anger sparks anger. Distance sparks distance. Hurts create new hurts. So…how do you prevent the initial hurt from going into a truly damaging runaway? (more…)
When you feel “My life isn’t working for me”
I’ve got a quick fix to a tough problem. Many, many people these days walk around vaguely (or not-so-vaguely) miserable because, as many put it, “There’s no ME in my life.” Your so busy, and everything you do is for other people. So too often the few things you do do for yourself are done out of habit and don’t really feed you. So what is a quick and effective way to make your life start working for you? (more…)
On being, and dealing with, a strong woman
Got a huge response to my blog post on my mother after her death. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and heart-warming replies. But there are two responses I want to focus on. One had to do with the points I made about being a strong woman and being likeable, how that’s not so easy for women. Here’s what one woman said: (more…)
Thoughts following the death of my mother
My mother died recently and I’d like to talk about her with you. Her story is remarkable, but there is also an issue here that, I think, is important for all of us: how do we really feel about strong women?
Sonia was the middle of nine children in a family of poor Jewish farmers in a stetl [Jewish village] near Lublin, Poland. She had at most the equivalent of a third-grade education. At about age 9 she was shipped off to another family to work as a domestic of some sort. At 16 she married a young Polish Jewish cavalry officer and, still 16, gave birth to my brother Michael. WWII had just started and Sonia’s husband, like all the rest of the Polish cavalry, was promptly killed. (more…)
Back by popular request!
Yet again you’ve asked for this, so here it is. Marriage is hard, but doing it right is easy. Here’s how: the top 10 best things to do to keep your marriage strong and happy.
If you want a long, happy marriage, all you need is (more…)