Why mothers and daughters have troubled relationships

What is it with mothers and daughters?  I remember once telling the mother of an 17-year-old young woman, “Woe to the mother whose ass is smaller than her daughter’s.”  And in fact, this girl was furious with her mom for many reasons, not the least of which was (more…)

“Tell me: how messed up is my family?”

There are a lot of ways to look at the American family.  You can collect statistics and die of boredom.  You can look at your own family and, in too many cases, die of shame. 

Or you can look at a bunch of real families and how they actually spend their time.  (more…)

Why not just hide the truth until it’s pried from your cold dead hands?

Welcome to the land of truth, lies, and trust issues.  A friend of mine recently told me, in a sadly casual way, that every woman he ever met through a dating site was lying about something that was immediately apparent on the first date.  Age.  Weight.  Sanity.  Whatever. 

The problem is that once we know that other people are lying, what are we to do?  (more…)

We need your help with a new project

We are working on a project on trust in people’s close relationships — how it’s formed, how it’s broken, how it’s restored. And that’s something you know a lot about, which is why we need your help. Please email us at DrFoster@ChestnutHillInstitute.com to tell us your thoughts or experiences about trust in your relationships, past or present. In particular, we’d love it if you’d tell us something about: (more…)

Journalist asks more questions about the falling-in-love stage

This is part two of a blog about falling in love that we started last time.

Q:  Is there something about the time we live in that makes people want to dive into relationships (maybe because there are less obstacles)? (more…)

Journalist asks about the falling-in-love stage

We sometimes wonder if the questions journalists ask come out of their own personal lives.  Hmmm…  Well, we just don’t know.  But it’s fun to speculate.  Anyway, here is the first part of an interview by a journalist who seemed very interested in the falling-in-love stage of relationships and why it makes us so stupid and so vulnerable.  And this is timely, because it is Spring, the time of year when people fall in love, go crazy, and screw up their lives…except when everything works out just fine. 

The basic question is: Can you use your head to save your heart?  Should you?  (more…)

Solving the male apology deficit: How to say you’re sorry

We’ve recently talked about why guys don’t apologize and what you can do to get them to apologize.  But now let’s fill in the one big piece missing.  How to save time and heartache by apologizing right in the first place.  (more…)

Solving the male apology deficit: How to get a guy to apologize

A few days ago in a blog called Why do men hate to apologize? we tried to look under the hood of men’s seeming reluctance to apologize.  (Of course it’s not even certain that men are reluctant to apologize: maybe they’re just pissed at being asked to apologize so often.  But that’s another blog to come.)  For now, let’s get practical.  How do you get your guy to apologize?  (more…)

Journalist asks, “Are women OK with dating less educated men?”

They say you are what you eat.  It is perhaps even truer that you are who you date.  The question today comes from a writer from a major broadcast news organization.  She had seen a U. S. Census report that said that more women are holding advanced degrees than men.  As a matter of fact, women are also graduating from college at a higher rate than men these days.  Her question was, What does this mean for dating?  Are women OK with dating blue-collar men or men who are less educated than they are?  (more…)

How fear of loss makes us losers

I just read a New York Times article that tells us something very important about how to make good decisions and manage our lives better.  (more…)