Why happiness = being happily married

This is all about priorities, and how having the right priorities pays off big time.  The New York Times, in the person of the wonderful David Brooks, has finally acknowledged what many of us have known for quite a while now.  The research is in and it is clear.  If you want to be happy, you need to be (more…)

Journalist asks follow-up questions
Some of the most interesting questions journalists have asked us have come in the form of follow ups. Here are two from a writer from one of the very most popular women’s magazines.
Q: I know that one of the reasons for cheating that you’d identified is the ‘let’s kill this relationship to see if it comes back to life,’ and I would like to cite this as an example of a time you might be able to salvage a relationship and that it can ultimately be a good catalyst for change. Could you talk a little bit why this is the case, (more…)

How seriously should we take John Gottman?

Things are hard in daily life.  Getting out of bed is hard.  The daily commute is hard.  Getting along with other people is hard.  So we want magic, some little dusting of wonderfulness that makes life just a little less drab.  And that’s why when something is too good to be true, we believe it anyway. 

No wonder so many people jumped on the Gottman juggernaut.  Here was this guy claiming, on the basis of research, that he could predict with 90% accuracy whether a couple would get divorced after looking at their interactions on tape for only five minutes.  A five-minute miracle!  Magic lives. 

A lot of us who’ve spent our lives working with couples heard about this, stroked our chins, and said, Hmmmm…  Could be…  But probably (more…)

A soft-hearted journalist asks hard-headed questions about falling in love

A reporter for a popular overseas magazine just asked me these questions about the head-over-heels part of love. 

Q:  Is there such a thing as love at first sight? (more…)

A journalist interviews Mira on who’s really to blame for an affair

A reporter for a widely read national magazine asked Mira one simple question:  When someone has an affair, whose fault is it really? 

Here how Mira answered:  (more…)

“If that Jesse James guy would cheat on her, what chance do I have?”

OK, so here’s this beautiful movie star with a reputation for being a sweetheart who’s just won an Academy Award for best actress.  And it turns out that her husband has been cheating on her with this totally skanky tattoo model.  Now what do you think happens when a story like this comes out? (more…)

How what you talk about can change your relationship and your life

Is it possible that what you talk about can change your life?  A new study (plus all my experience as a therapist) suggests that the answer is Yes.  You can change your life by changing what you talk about. (more…)

Another “I thought we were the only ones who…”

A couple of blogs ago we talked here about the need for couples to stop blaming and labeling and just work out an agreement they can keep for when whipping out the old cell phone is OK (say, when you’re sitting around reading the Sunday Times) and when it isn’t OK (say, right after making love). 

Well, folks, we need to work on this a little more.  It’s a big deal.  It’s at the heart of (more…)

Journalist interviews Mira on why single women get involved with married men

Q:  Aside from love/sex/boredom, we understand why some single women choose to get involved a married man: There may be a sense that “all the good ones are gone,” he may be older, more mature, has money, he’s proven mate-material, it’s an ego boost, etc. But I’m trying to determine whether there are any “new” reasons women get involved with married guys. Is it because (more…)

Another in the series “I thought we were the only ones who…”

Brawls are breaking out all over love land as couples come to blows over cell phone etiquette.  And then they come to us, bruised and angry.  Take one couple recently.  Both business people.  She’s a compulsive Blackberry checker, even when they’re having a heart-to-heart.  So there they are talking, and her eyes drift down to her cell, her fingers start flying, and he says, (more…)