A journalist recently asked us about spouses who lie

Marriage is supposed to be a lie-free zone, and yet we all know that married people do lie to each other.  Here is a recent Q and A with a journalist that tells the truth about lying in marriage (which is a lot less fun than lying in bed): 

1.  What starts happening when honesty is eroded between partners

CHI:  Let’s face it: we lie to people we don’t care about, people we want to use, and people we’re afraid of.  So a lie is a way of telling someone (more…)

New insights into why people cheat

 Another journalist interviewed us yesterday, this time for a British newspaper, and this time about the how, who, and why of affairs.  Here it is:

1.  Do you think that people have a different attitude to affairs now than they did say 30 or 40 years ago? (more…)

Women who have relationships with inmates

It’s one of those deep eternal mysteries of life, like how can a Olympic figure skater spin around so fast without getting dizzy.  In this case the mystery is, Why do women get romantically involved with prison inmates?  Of all the inappropriate relationships—and there are loads of ways to get involved with someone who is WAY wrong with you—falling in love with a prisoner would seem like one of the stupidest.  And yet it happens all the time.  But why? (more…)

The ultimate low-down on how you fix a wandering willie

A lot of people have been wondering, How do you treat a problem like Tiger Woods’?  What’s the best treatment?  How is he actually being treated?  Does the treatment work?  And what exactly is the problem being treated? 

Whew!  That’s a lot of questions.  Let me try to sort it all out.  (more…)

Following up on “We don’t really have many friends”

Wow.  That’s all we can say.  Our blog on how most couples don’t feel they have many couple friends really struck a nerve.  We were swamped with responses.  They ranged from “Yikes!  (more…)

When Good People Have Affairs: coping with the aftermath

Today, after the Tiger Woods apology, it’s time to take another look at this sad story.  There have been no end of silly things said about Tiger Woods’ affairs and it’s impact on his marriage to Elin, to say nothing of its impact on his career.  But maybe the important question isn’t what we have to say about this catastrophe, but what this catastrophe has to say to us.  Can we learn anything from this billionaire sports super-star’s experience? (more…)

The next installment of “I thought I was the only one who…”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had the following conversation with a couple I’m working with.  It goes something like this.

At some point, one person in the couple, with great shame and hesitation, says that they don’t have any (or many) friends. 

Then I say, “Oh, that’s very common.  Most couples tell me that they don’t have many friends.  This is a huge issue for most couples.”

The two people lean forward, mouths agape.  “Really!?!?!  We thought we were the only ones!” (more…)

Doing something wonderful for V-day

OK, you have someone in your life.  Maybe the two of you are just getting serious.  Maybe you’ve been married for a long time.  Or anything in between.  And then Valentine’s Day looms.  The airwaves are filled with ads for expensive jewelry and costly romantic vacations.  High-priced restaurants lure you to show your love by spending a fortune on dinner.  Mail-order teddy bears and pajamas.  Public-radio roses. 

Add to all of this the look in your partner’s eye that seems to say: deliver or else.  Plus, we want to be able to step up to the plate and hit it out of the park.  How do we live up to all this pressure?  (more…)

If you’re not in a relationship

Valentine’s Day is a time of great insecurity for many, many people.  In this two-part blog, we’re going to look first at the anxiety many of us feel about not being in a relationship when Valentine’s Day rolls around.  Tomorrow, in Part 2, I want to offer some help for the anxieties many of us feel who are already in a relationship around Valentine’s Day.

So how do you happily get through V-day when you’re not in a relationship?  (more…)

We did not set out to write “the greatest relationship book ever.”  Yes, we’re proud of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.  Yes, we’re proud of the way it has helped countless people either accept just how good their marriage really is or find the understanding they need to leave a bad marriage.  Still, we’d be too modest to call anything we wrote the best anything.  But they say “It ain’t bragging if it’s true,” and it’s a fact that an awful lot of people have called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay “the greatest relationship book ever.”  We get emails saying that all the time, and you can read reviews saying that on Amazon. 

And now, starting today, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is available in audio-book format.  Now you can listen to it on your iPod or in the privacy of your car.  And that kind of privacy is important to a lot of people.  Order it today.  The least expensive version (MP3 only) is already temporarily sold out (but don’t worry: plenty more will be available very soon).  But other versions like this one (CD plus MP3) and this one (CD only) are for now still available right now.  Here’s where to go if you want to hear a sample. 

But if you’ve never heard of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay you might be wondering what makes this book so special.  (more…)