Well, Mother’s Day is almost upon us. A day filled with roses and restaurants and…a lot of BS.
Let’s for once tell the truth. Our relationship with our mother’s is one of the most difficult relationships in our lives. Yes, sometimes it’s uncomplicated. Sometimes it’s really true that your mother is your best friend.
But too often the relationship between mothers and their adult children is filled with resentment, regrets, and recriminations. “How could you have…?” “Why didn’t you…?”
And then what do we do? Mother’s Day is too often an empty exercise in empty demonstrations of phony feelings. And we’re left with a feeling of sadness. In other cases Mother’s Day is the time when all the anger and disappointment come flying out of the closet, and when it’s over everyone feels even worse.
Let’s just admit the truth, and I speak as someone who is both a mother and a daughter myself. Mother’s aren’t perfect. If your mother wasn’t perfect, GET OVER IT. OK, she let you down, maybe even hurt you. So what? Most mothers aren’t perfect. Your mother’s imperfections don’t mean she didn’t love you or that she wasn’t doing her best. Trust me: as a mother or father yourself, you will be imperfect and will let your kids down too. Imperfect people shouldn’t judge their mother’s imperfections.
And let’s face it: we weren’t perfect kids either. Yeah, I know that children are innocent, but they can also give their parents a really rough time. And very few parents are prepared to deal with awful difficulties their kids present them with.
So let this Mother’s Day be different. No empty phony sentiments. But no pointless recriminations either.
How about this Mother’s Day we celebrate our capacity for forgiveness and acceptance? Try it. You’ll be glad you did.
Some of you have done this already. I’d love to hear from you. Please, tell me your stories of how as a mother or adult child you tried to heal things by introducing the theme of acceptance and forgiveness in your relationship. Your stories will help a lot of people.