THE CHESTNUT HILL INSTITUTE

Let me get this out of the way right now.  I love Sex and the City.  You know, the cable TV show.  (I haven’t seen the movie.)  I’ve watched every episode at least a couple of times.  It’s absolutely fascinating and engaging, and not just because (as I was told) many episodes were based on my own book Women & Love.

But I need to get something else out of the way.  Sex and the City also makes me, and I think many other women, crazy.  (more…)

Well, today’s the day.  It’s the publication date for our new book WHEN GOOD PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS.  If this book is for you, now you can buy it.  Is it for you?  Well, it is if you or someone you love is having an affair.  It is if you’re trying to be there for someone you know who’s dealing with an affair.  It is if your life was affected by an affair in the past.  It is if you’re tempted to have an affair and are trying to understand why you want to cheat.  An affair is a crisis, a turning point, a fork in the road with one way leading to danger and the other leading to better things.  This book will help you figure out which road to take. 

(This is the first of a series of blogs on affairs: why they happen, and what to do if you’re at any point in a love triangle.) 

“I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that we had a happy marriage, that my husband was a good man, and that he would never cheat on me.  Never.”  Janice was an attractive woman in her late thirties.  “So when I found those emails on his computer (I wasn’t snooping, honestly; he asked me to do some work for him and they were just there), I was devastated.  I was physically sick.  It was like every time I thought about it was like a kick in the stomach, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  It was so humiliating.  Things like this don’t happen to people like me.” 

But of course affairs can happen to anybody.  There is a 40 to 50% chance that a person will be affected by an affair over his or her life.  If this were a disease, it would be the most common painful, life-altering disease we know about. (more…)

Well, it’s happened.  You love your mom (or dad), and you want the best for her.  You’re committed to helping her any way you can.  But now she’s living with you, and it is a very mixed blessing.  Your needs and her needs (what to do, when to do it, how to do it) are often in conflict.  Sometimes you find yourself fighting with the very person your good heart has wanted to care for. 

So how do you make caring for a sick, aging parent work?  (more…)

             Well, Mother’s Day is almost upon us.  A day filled with roses and restaurants and…a lot of BS.

Let’s for once tell the truth.  Our relationship with our mother’s is one of the most difficult relationships in our lives.  Yes, sometimes it’s uncomplicated.  Sometimes it’s really true that your mother is your best friend. 

But too often the relationship between mothers and their adult children is filled with resentment, regrets, and recriminations.  “How could you have…?”  “Why didn’t you…?”

And then what do we do?  Mother’s Day is too often an empty exercise in empty demonstrations of phony feelings.  And we’re left with a feeling of sadness.  In other cases Mother’s Day is the time when all the anger and disappointment come flying out of the closet, and when it’s over everyone feels even worse. 

Let’s just admit the truth, and I speak as someone who is both a mother and a daughter myself.  Mother’s aren’t perfect.  If your mother wasn’t perfect, GET OVER IT.  OK, she let you down, maybe even hurt you.  So what?  Most mothers aren’t perfect.  Your mother’s imperfections don’t mean she didn’t love you or that she wasn’t doing her best.  Trust me: as a mother or father yourself, you will be imperfect and will let your kids down too.  Imperfect people shouldn’t judge their mother’s imperfections. 

And let’s face it: we weren’t perfect kids either.  Yeah, I know that children are innocent, but they can also give their parents a really rough time.  And very few parents are prepared to deal with awful difficulties their kids present them with. 

So let this Mother’s Day be different.  No empty phony sentiments.  But no pointless recriminations either. 

How about this Mother’s Day we celebrate our capacity for forgiveness and acceptance?  Try it.  You’ll be glad you did. 

Some of you have done this already.  I’d love to hear from you.  Please, tell me your stories of how as a mother or adult child you tried to heal things by introducing the theme of acceptance and forgiveness in your relationship.  Your stories will help a lot of people. 

My new book WHEN GOOD PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS is out this month! If you like bargains the way I do, you can click here to save almost 40% off the cover price

Of course it’s even more good news if you are one of the millions who find themselves in the situation I describe in the book.

This book is for everyone involved in an affair: cheater, spouse, or lover. It is the very first book to look inside the hearts and minds of cheaters, and that’s what we need if you’re ever going to sort out the problem. (more…)

I want to share a bunch of good news that all of us can feel good about.

This blog was just named the #3 relationship blog in the entire country, out of a list of the 100 best relationship blogs.

What does this have to do with you? Come on! Do you think I could do this without your energy, your interest, and your input? No way! We’re a team, and I need you for everything we do here.

Please keep up your comments, questions, and suggestions. Next year, we’ll do even better!