THE CHESTNUT HILL INSTITUTE

Another in the series “I thought we were the only ones who…”

Brawls are breaking out all over love land as couples come to blows over cell phone etiquette.  And then they come to us, bruised and angry.  Take one couple recently.  Both business people.  She’s a compulsive Blackberry checker, even when they’re having a heart-to-heart.  So there they are talking, and her eyes drift down to her cell, her fingers start flying, and he says, (more…)

More reasons why cheating is a bad idea

A journalist for a major woman’s magazine just asked us about whether having an affair can help your relationship.  Here are her questions and our answers.

Q:  How do you think affairs can help relationships, and under what circumstances? (more…)

Shacking up before marriage does NOT cause divorce 

OK, so here’s how it goes.  The National Center for Health Statistics (part of the Centers for Disease Control, which is part of our government) releases a study on marriage and cohabiting which is boring as a rainy Sunday afternoon, but is full of wonderful, important data.  This is where bullshit ends and real knowledge begins.  So far so good. 

Then a reporter for the New York Times reads this study and writes a story about it in which he screws up and gets the emphasis all bass ackwards.  He thinks the lead is, “Couples who live together before they get married are less likely to stay married, a new study has found,” (more…)

Journalist interviews Mira on the risk a marriage will be hit by an affair

Q:  Can you assess the risk that your relationship will be hit by an affair, that your partner (or maybe you!) will end up cheating one day soon? 

Mira:  Yes.  It’s all about risk factors.  And if you know what the risk factors are, you can do something about them and have a better relationship to boot.  Here are the 3 big, real danger signs that your relationship is at risk of one of you having an affair: (more…)

Putting a stop to lying in your relationship

In a recent blog, Married?  Don’t lie!, we answered questions from a journalist about what happens when there is lying in a marriage.  And we promised we would follow up with some tested advice for what to do if there has already been lying in your marriage.  And so here goes.  (more…)

“Should I stay in my relationship or leave?”

It may have changed more lives than any book in the last 15 years.  I’m talking about Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.  It is the book that has given countless people permission to end a relationship that will never be very good.  It has also shown countless other people that in spite of problems their relationship is too good to leave.

And now we are getting wonderful feedback about the new audio version of TGTL.  People are emailing us to tell us that this is the perfect format for (more…)

A journalist recently asked us about spouses who lie

Marriage is supposed to be a lie-free zone, and yet we all know that married people do lie to each other.  Here is a recent Q and A with a journalist that tells the truth about lying in marriage (which is a lot less fun than lying in bed): 

1.  What starts happening when honesty is eroded between partners

CHI:  Let’s face it: we lie to people we don’t care about, people we want to use, and people we’re afraid of.  So a lie is a way of telling someone (more…)

New insights into why people cheat

 Another journalist interviewed us yesterday, this time for a British newspaper, and this time about the how, who, and why of affairs.  Here it is:

1.  Do you think that people have a different attitude to affairs now than they did say 30 or 40 years ago? (more…)

Women who have relationships with inmates

It’s one of those deep eternal mysteries of life, like how can a Olympic figure skater spin around so fast without getting dizzy.  In this case the mystery is, Why do women get romantically involved with prison inmates?  Of all the inappropriate relationships—and there are loads of ways to get involved with someone who is WAY wrong with you—falling in love with a prisoner would seem like one of the stupidest.  And yet it happens all the time.  But why? (more…)

The ultimate low-down on how you fix a wandering willie

A lot of people have been wondering, How do you treat a problem like Tiger Woods’?  What’s the best treatment?  How is he actually being treated?  Does the treatment work?  And what exactly is the problem being treated? 

Whew!  That’s a lot of questions.  Let me try to sort it all out.  (more…)