THE CHESTNUT HILL INSTITUTE

What do we learn about relationships from the political season so far?  A lot, I think.  There are 5 main lessons here for all of us. 

1. Don’t lie.  Just don’t.  Now that seems obvious.  But here’s how politics is like dating.  We all want to find someone wonderful.  So we all put out a subtle but powerful signal: “Be wonderful.”  But most of us aren’t wonderful.  So we have an enormous temptation to lie.  But lies are found out and they poison the relationship.  If you screw up, own up.  It’s always the cover up that gets you in trouble. 
2. Beware of the Chinese finger trap—you know, where it is easy to get in but hard to get out.  Relationships are a kind of Chinese finger trap.  It may not be so easy to get into one, but it still is a lot harder to get out.  So there is a great incentive, which politicians understand all too well, just to get the job, get the boy, get the girl.  Because once they’re stuck with you it’ll be hard for them to dump you.  Now if you think of this as the other person’s incentive, you will be careful.  Above all, don’t fall in love too easily, because love makes you stupid.  And NO ONE is as great as love goggles make them seem.
3. It’s all about chemistry.  The question always is, Does being connected with this person make me feel good about myself?  For their supporters, McCain is the war hero with integrity.  Clinton is the smart tough woman who’s been through tough times and keeps on punching.  Obama is the cool guy with vision.  Politicians lose us when it no longer feels good to us to see ourselves as connected to them.  The question for the rest of us in committed relationships is, What are we doing to make our partners feel good about being in a relationship with us? 
4. Be positive and hopeful.  We want to be connected with someone who makes us feel good about life.  We’re all prone to being discouraged.  So if we’re with someone who is negative, complaining, or, God forbid bitter!, it pulls us down and we want to make distance from that person.  As we’ve learned from the political front recently, you can’t even talk about OTHER people being bitter!
5. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Yes, I know, the temptation to over-promise is enormous.  We get excited by exciting promises, and we just can’t imagine that someone would lie right to our face.  So with a big empty promise you can win a lot in the short run and it costs you nothing.  But the fall from grace can be a pretty hard landing.  You look a lot more naked when your halo slips than you would if you never had a halo. 
6. Women are expected to be better than men.  They just are.  It isn’t fair, but it’s true.  Confidence in a man is arrogance in a woman.  Toughness in a man is bitchiness in a woman.  And by the way, research shows that women are as tough on other women as men are.  We need to be a lot more patient and charitable with each other.  The truth is that most of us are doing the very best we can. 

What about you?  What have you learned about relationships from watching the political landscape unfold?  How have the candidates hurt or helped the relationships you were hoping to form with them?  Which of these 5 lessons have meant the most to you? 

Posted: Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Category: Relationships, News & Notes
Author: Mira and Charles
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