The secret for finding true love Pt. 6
by Mira and Charles on February 1st, 2012. . . and continuing right along with our series on the secrets of finding true love. Last time we talked about how it’s not about how much you love him. It’s about how he helps you love yourself. This time the secret we want to tell you about is:
It’s not just about his finding room in his heart for you. It’s about his finding room in his life for your energy, drive, ambition, passions, and interests.
I’ll make it very simple. It’s just not enough that he cares about you. That could just mean that he thinks you’re great without your baggage, but he thinks your baggage sucks. As if a person could be separated from their baggage!
No, he has to care about you and about what you care about. That’s where so many relationships run into trouble. The things you care about are where you live, but if they’re just an inconvenience to your partner, then we’ve got a problem.
The things you care about could be your job, your family, your dogs, your church, your running . . . whatever. It’s not that your partner has to care about these things himself, although it can be a real problem if he doesn’t care about any of the things you care about.
But if he cares about you then he has to care about your being happy, which means doing what you need to do about the things you care about.
So don’t fall for someone’s line about how much they care about you unless it includes what you care about.
This actually ties into the issue of betrayal. One of the most important risk factors for infidelity is when people grow apart from not caring about what the other person cares about. People end up living separate lives even while they share the same bed.
The affair is so often NOT about sex. It’s more often about finding someone who cares, or at least seems to care, about your passions.
And so healing from the affair and building trust again gets, as it always does, to the part where you look at what was missing in the relationship before the affair. For many couples, finding their way back to each other means finding a way to support each others passions and finding a way to connect around them.
There’s a ton more help on the process of restoring trust in our new book I Love You but I Don’t Trust You. Check it out!
