The secret for finding true love Pt. 3
by Mira and Charles on January 21st, 2012OK, here we are back with our series on the secret for finding true love. Last time we looked at how “It’s not just how you feel about him. It’s much more how he makes you feel about yourself.” This time we will look at the next important secret:
It’s not about losing yourself in him. It’s about becoming true to yourself with him.
You see, one of the key issues, if you really want to find true love, is whether there is room for two whole people in this relationship with this other person.
There has got to be room for all of you and all of him. All of you. Your dreams and hopes and plans and needs and foibles and hurts and bad memories and weaknesses: EVERYTHING.
Now this does not mean that either of you can always get whatever you want. You both have to be realistic. It may never be possible for you to own a horse or to take off a year to explore all 100 of the worlds best beaches.
But there has to be
- respect and understanding and acceptance of you and your needs
- an equal likelihood that you will be true to yourself as he will be true to himself
Do you really want to wake up one day when it’s too late and discover that this relationship has been mostly about your facilitating his being true to himself, while you’ve only felt able to be true to yourself when it was convenient to him?
So please be careful. Every woman who’s lost herself in the other person has woken up one day to discover all she has lost. And if it’s not too late at that point, there’s sure been a lot of wasted time.
It’s just not worth it. You’re worth a lot more than that.
And how can you tell that you’ve found a person who genuinely cares about your being true to yourself?
Look for the following:
- You have good reason for believing that he really knows you. Such as: he asks! He listens. He’s interested. He remembers!
- He respects what he knows about you and what you really care about.
- He does things that are inconvenient for him that show he values what’s important to you.
- He shows you that your needs and priorities are as important to him as his own.
It’s OK if there is conflict sometimes. The other person is just as entitled to be true to himself as you are. Sometimes you’ll win one, sometimes you’ll lose. Fine. But you have to know that on average over time you have just as much opportunity to be true to yourself as he does, not because you have to fight like a tiger for it but because you know he wants you to be true to yourself.
Because in fact it’s the real you as you know yourself that he’s always loved.
And please, before I forget, let me remind you to get a hold of a copy of our latest book I Love You but I Don’t Trust You. It’s based, in part, on the truth that while people can and do betray each other, even in good relationships, those relationships need to survive, and they can. And we show you how.
