I Love You but I Don’t Trust You
by Mira and Charles on June 24th, 2011From Chap. 1 of our new book
To give you just a quick, early taste of our new book on restoring trust in relationships, here’s part one of a three-part excerpt from Chap. 1:
1
Finding Your Way Back to Each Other
I know. You feel so hurt, so scared, so angry. There’s nothing worse than when someone betrays you and you feel you can’t trust them. You can’t imagine it’s possible that you would ever trust that person again, and at this moment you may not even want to try.
And yet…
hope is a stubborn thing. Somewhere deep inside you, you sense a spark of possibility. Maybe, just maybe, the terrible mistrust you feel isn’t the end of the relationship. Maybe trust can be restored. Maybe the relationship can heal.
Then again, maybe you’re afraid that hope doesn’t make sense right now. I understand. I felt all this myself. And so have millions of other people who’ve been through this.
Here’s what Heather told me:
Heather’s story. When she got the first hint of what Chris had done Heather was immediately swamped by those bitter, dizzy feelings of suspicion we all know so well. It’s like when an earthquake starts. Anything is possible, none of it good.
In a kind of manic, dread-filled daze, Heather searched through Chris’s computer and checkbook. When she finally found the awful confirmation of her suspicions, she was so angry she couldn’t stop shaking. She was glad he wasn’t around because at that point she truly felt like killing him. It was as if he wasn’t her husband at all any more. He was the man who’d killed her husband. This loathsome imposter certainly wasn’t the man she’d married. No, he was a clueless, selfish jerk.
As she waited for him to come home, the wild heat of her anger brought her to one clear decision. And so within minutes of his walking in the door she’d thrown him out of the house. His clothes, his laptop, his iPhone, and then him. “Now you can go sleep in a motel and think of some more people you can fuck over, you rat bastard,” she yelled, and she slammed the front door so hard a family picture fell off the wall.
Chris pounded on the door, saying he wanted to explain, to talk about how he hadn’t meant to hurt her, how he was sorry, but Heather screamed at him, terrifying him so much that he decided he’d best leave for now. And off he drove. As she watched the red taillights of his car disappear down the street, she thought this was the saddest sight she’d ever seen.
Then Heather sat there as dusk turned into night. Her brain was racing, spinning dark scenarios, churning up clouds of pain that made clear thought impossible. There was a tightness in her chest, a lump in her throat. She was caught in a tug-of-war between rage and grief. It suddenly hit her: “I’ll never sleep again.” How would she ever regain her peace of mind? If this could happen, anything could happen. It was like being in an abusive relationship where you’re always waiting for the next blow to fall, the next betrayal, the next disappointment. You can’t eat, unless the way it’s affected you is that you can’t stop eating.
Part of Heather wanted to get as far away from it all as she could, and that just made her feel more trapped. Because she couldn’t get away. Not today anyway, not with her kids, her clothes, her…life. And the sadness of it all hit her, and she started crying.
Heather called her three best friends and within an hour they were all there. As each one arrived, Heather repeated the whole story of what Chris had done and how she’d found out about it and how mad she was and how her life was ruined.
Finally. they all settled in to talk about what Heather should do.
Good, they all agreed, you threw him out. He deserved it.
But what next?
(To be continued in the next blog….)
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To learn more about I Love You but I Don’t Trust You, check out our recent blog where we talk about it. In the meantime, you can pre-order a copy of I Love You but I Don’t Trust You immediately. That way you’ll get it as soon as it comes out, and you won’t be charged until it’s sent out. Please, order now!
