Does your therapist know the whole story?
by Charles on January 10th, 2008A couple of years ago, I was working with a very nice, proper women who was in a troubled marriage. After a couple of months, one day, suddenly, in mid sentence, she burst into tears and confessed that for years she had been having a affair.
Her delay in telling me the whole truth was normal. Some silly therapists assume that their clients always tell them everything. But we’re deluding ourselves. No matter how we make ourselves seem non-judgmental, we can’t avoid coming across as authority figures, or at least as people whose approval means a lot to our clients.
Still, it is just as silly for clients not to tell their therapists the whole truth. Why? Well, obviously no doctor can help you if he or she doesn’t know the whole story. Everything you hide puts you in jeopardy.
But it’s also silly because you may not know the truth about how therapists really size you up. Yes, we DO judge our patients. But we DON’T judge them based on how perfect they are. Look: if you come to me, I know you’ve got problems. Hey, I’d be out of business if you didn’t. And you know what? I’ve got problems too. And I know that everyone else in the world also has problems. And that includes doing stupid things. That’s not where I judge you. I DO judge you on the basis of how active and heartfelt you are in your attempt to change and grow. I (and other therapist feel this way too) would much prefer a client who’s really messed up but who puts her whole heart in trying to get better than someone who presents himself as more pulled together but hasn’t really committed himself to the therapy process.
So do yourself and your therapist a huge favor. Tell the truth. The whole truth. We will thank you and respect you for it.
