Will you end up having an affair?
by Mira and Charles on July 6th, 2010A reporter asks us to assess your risk of being cheated on
A few weeks ago we had a series on “Are you at risk of divorce?” It appeared here, here, and here. Now a reporter has asked us to comment on what raises or lowers the risk of having an extramarital affair. Understand your risk factors is most important. Here’s a link to that piece.
For now, here are our responses to the data the reporter showed us:
1. If you never attend religious services, you’re 250 percent more likely to have extramarital sex than those who attend religious service more than once a week.
Chestnut Hill Institute: The likelihood people will cheat is always about the costs vs. the benefits, the risks vs. the opportunities. The higher the costs and/or risks, the less likely someone is to cheat. The greater the benefits and/or opportunities, the more likely they are to cheat. Someone who attends a religious service more than once a week has a relationship with his God and his church that significantly raises both the costs and the risks. If he’s found out there’s a whole community that will be scandalized, and their disapproval will feel terrible. Plus, if God is real for you, and God cares about this…well, why risk pissing off God?
2. If you enjoy spending time with your partner’s family, you’re 24 percent less likely to engage in extramarital sex than those who do not enjoy spending time with their in-laws.
CHI: Enjoying spending time with your spouse’s family is a sign that you and your spouse are in sync. People tend to take on the values and traits of their family. “Like me, like my family” is not just a threat; it is a prediction. And the greater bond means the costs of cheating rise and the benefits fall, so the likelihood of an affair is less. Plus, why risk spoiling a good thing. Families are often slower to forgive than a spouse.
3. If you and your spouse lived together before getting married, there’s a 39 percent chance that at least one of you will cheat on the other.
CHI: The question here is—and it’s a tough one, actually—who are those people who do and do not live together before marriage. A lot of blue-state progressives think living together before marriage is so natural that they can’t understand how it could make a difference, except to weed out relationships that wouldn’t work out. But very often living together is a sign of dissonance, lack of commitment, awareness of a problem. And then rather than moving on in the face of difficulties, people go on to get married as a way to solve those problems, just the way people sometimes have children in the hope if cementing a shaky relationship. But these fixes don’t work, and the problems lead people to seek out affairs.
4. If you have made use of cyberporn, you are 300 percent more likely to have an affair than someone who has never used cyberporn.
CHI: OK, so why would someone NEVER use cyberporn? They are either very committed to their relationship, or not interested that much in sex, or not very curious, or incredibly busy. ALL these are predictors of someone not being a cheater.
5. If you have an advanced college degree, you’re 175 percent more likely to have extramarital sex than those who did not finish high school.
CHI: This is actually a trick question. People with advanced college degrees are more likely to have extramarital sex than people who didn’t finish high school because they are more likely to be married in the first place. You can’t cheat if you’re not married. High school drop out are more likely to either not get married or to get divorced if they do marry.
For a lot more, in fact for everything you need to know about this, check out When Good People Have Affairs.
