Valentine’s Day problem solver Pt. 2
by Mira and Charles on February 11th, 2010Doing something wonderful for V-day
OK, you have someone in your life. Maybe the two of you are just getting serious. Maybe you’ve been married for a long time. Or anything in between. And then Valentine’s Day looms. The airwaves are filled with ads for expensive jewelry and costly romantic vacations. High-priced restaurants lure you to show your love by spending a fortune on dinner. Mail-order teddy bears and pajamas. Public-radio roses.
Add to all of this the look in your partner’s eye that seems to say: deliver or else. Plus, we want to be able to step up to the plate and hit it out of the park. How do we live up to all this pressure?
And the thing is that even if we give in to all this V-day pressure, we often resent it. No wonder there’s sometimes a bitter aftertaste even when we supposedly do the right thing, because in the end it all felt a little too mechanical.
What’s the solution?
The key is understanding what’s really going on here. It’s not about stuff. Unless your partner’s just a greedy little pig, he or she really wants just one thing: to feel your love, caring, and attention. To feel she or he matters. Because in our busy, distracted, stressed-out lives, the first thing that goes is our ability to show our partner that she matters to us.
It’s not about spending money. It’s about doing something that says, “I love you; I think about you; and I want you to know it.”
Maybe an expensive gift would do that. But too often spending money is a substitute for really thinking about your partner and finding a way to give more of yourself. (Although for many people, your not being cheap is a real sign that your partner matters to you.)
Don’t be fooled by the ads. Listen to your heart. What do you think would really show your love? Even more important, what would make your partner feel loved? Really think about that. “Hmmmm, Joan [or Jim] would really feel loved by me if I …. what?” And here’s the thing. You might not come up with the perfect answer. But you will come up with a WAY better answer than if you didn’t ask yourself that question.
And if you’re really stumped, try this (there’s still time!). Say to your partner, “I really love you. What could I do that would show you how much I love you on Valentine’s Day?” Then listen and do it.
In many cases, the best thing you can do is write a love letter. A nice, long, sincere love letter in which you not only say how much you love your partner but why. And when you talk about why, be specific. “Yeah, but I’m not all that articulate. I’m not a good writer,” you say? So much the better. Look, you’re not out to win a writing prize. So your writing is awkward, clumsy, ungrammatical, misspelled. So what? Anyone can hear someone speaking from their heart no matter how bad the writing.
Let’s all help out here with suggestions. What have you gotten for Valentine’s Day that really touched your heart and made you feel loved? What do you wish you’d gotten? Please share this with everyone. We all need suggestions, if only to get our creative juices flowing.
I wish you love…………….
