Comments on: How will someone respond to betrayal? Seven factors http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/194 w h e n y o u ' r e r e a d y t o m a k e r e a l c h a n g e s Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:18:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: Charles http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/194#comment-3052 Charles Thu, 28 Jan 2010 13:36:25 +0000 http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/194#comment-3052 mgrdm66, Thank you for your kind words. Yes, you are so right: as you say, "betrayal discolors the whole relationship." It's not just that the present is damaged, but it can feel like the past was a lie. But all this is just pain. It hurts, badly, but that pain by itself is not a sign of permanent damage, any more than the pain of a stubbed toe is a sign that you've broken your toe. The long-term questions are, Can this relationship heal, and Do I want it to heal? It sounds like you are working on answering these questions. I wish you all the best, and thank you again for your support. Be well! mgrdm66, Thank you for your kind words. Yes, you are so right: as you say, “betrayal discolors the whole relationship.” It’s not just that the present is damaged, but it can feel like the past was a lie. But all this is just pain. It hurts, badly, but that pain by itself is not a sign of permanent damage, any more than the pain of a stubbed toe is a sign that you’ve broken your toe. The long-term questions are, Can this relationship heal, and Do I want it to heal? It sounds like you are working on answering these questions. I wish you all the best, and thank you again for your support. Be well!

]]> By: mgrdm66 http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/194#comment-3050 mgrdm66 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 02:11:18 +0000 http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/blog/194#comment-3050 These are all great points that make a lot of sense. I am someone who was betrayed during year 18 of marriage. It's been two years and not much repair has been done. The betrayal discolors the WHOLE relationship. After two years of trying to recover, it starts to seem like the whole relationship must not have been that good at all. We were obviously not as close as I thought. What I thought was a generally happy or at least content family obviously wasn't. It does not make me feel as though there was much glue. All good things to keep in mind. If I consider all 7, then it is probably best I leave. I would say I have probably read all the major books out there on the subject of affairs and betrayal. Dr. Kirshenbaum's books When Good People Have Affairs and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay have been by far the best resources. They are each comprehensive in presenting the subject of what an affair can be and how a person having an affair may feel along with realistic resolution strategies. Too Good to leave, Too Bad to Stay is helpful for any hurting relationship. I gave it to a friend in a similar situation who did feel great about her husband before the affair but felt pressure from those around her to give up. The book has helped her to see the many strengths still within their relationship. Many thanks to Dr. Kirshenbaum. She will never know how many families she has helped. These are all great points that make a lot of sense. I am someone who was betrayed during year 18 of marriage. It’s been two years and not much repair has been done.

The betrayal discolors the WHOLE relationship. After two years of trying to recover, it starts to seem like the whole relationship must not have been that good at all. We were obviously not as close as I thought. What I thought was a generally happy or at least content family obviously wasn’t. It does not make me feel as though there was much glue.

All good things to keep in mind. If I consider all 7, then it is probably best I leave.

I would say I have probably read all the major books out there on the subject of affairs and betrayal. Dr. Kirshenbaum’s books When Good People Have Affairs and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay have been by far the best resources. They are each comprehensive in presenting the subject of what an affair can be and how a person having an affair may feel along with realistic resolution strategies. Too Good to leave, Too Bad to Stay is helpful for any hurting relationship. I gave it to a friend in a similar situation who did feel great about her husband before the affair but felt pressure from those around her to give up. The book has helped her to see the many strengths still within their relationship. Many thanks to Dr. Kirshenbaum. She will never know how many families she has helped.

]]>