Ninety percent of moms have a secret addiction.  Guilt.  And who can blame them?  It’s hard to be a mom these days without gulping down huge swallows of guilt.  If you work outside the home, you feel guilty for not spending more time with your kids.  If you’re a stay-at-home mom, does that make the guilt go away?  Not at all.  You still feel guilty for not doing a better job, not being more creative, not spending even more time with your kids. 

And let’s face it:  Most of our kids aren’t perfect.  Normal kids still have their share of health and behavioral problems  And so of course moms feel guilty about that. 

Now is this guilt a good thing?  Does it make moms better moms?  NO!! 

Here’s what guilt does do:  It makes moms worried and anxious, and then their kids are saddled with a worried, anxious mother.  And what good does that do? 

It makes moms wear themselves out, and now their kids have an exhausted mom.  And what good does that do? 

And it makes moms try too hard, which burdens their kids with having to live up to their moms’ excess.  And what good does that do? 

Now here’s what moms and kids DO need that will make a big difference for both: moms that take as good care of themselves as they do of their kids.  That way you give your kids the wonderful gift of a relaxed, happy, emotionally nourished mom.  And what’s better than that? 

Now here’s what you can do to take better care of yourself. 

1. Stop worrying.  Repeat to yourself over and over the Mommie’s Mantra:  “I may not be a perfect mom, but I am a good mom.  I am certainly a good enough mom.  And I may not have perfect kids, but they are good kids.  And they will be okay.  In fact they will turn out just as well if I relax as if I wear myself out.  So I can trust them, and trust myself, and trust life.  And I can give my kids the greatest gift of all: a mom who can relax and enjoy her kids.”
2. Stop trying to live up to anyone’s standards.  Moms can be vicious.  They’re always holding other moms up to judgment.  “Oh really, you let your child do that??”  “You mean you don’t make your child do this??”  And so moms are always feeling judged.  Well, get off that merry-go-round.  Don’t play that game.  Refuse to allow another mom to get under your skin.  Just say to yourself, “I’ll be the relaxed, happy mom, and I’ll be the mom whose kids really like her!”
3. Take time off.  Your kids don’t need you as much as you think.  What they need is a relaxed and re-energized you.  So take as much time off from your little brats as you can.  The easiest way to do this is to trade with friends.  You look after their kids while you take an afternoon off, and they’ll look after your kids while you take an afternoon off.  You can also enlist relatives to pinch hit for you.  An afternoon off a week, a weekend off a month can make a world of difference. 
4. Have fun.  Moms can beat themselves up over anything, but the one regret that hurts the most is sending your kid off to college and wishing that you’d had more fun with her.  Fun is the one thing money can’t buy.  And yet it’s the greatest gift a mom can give her kid.  She knows you love her.  Show her that the two of you can have fun together. 

For lots more ways to take better care of yourself, check out The Emotional Energy Factor, which has helped countless people and was a finalist for the national Books for a Better Life Award.  It will definitely help you.

Posted: Sunday, October 4th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Category: Relationships, News & Notes, Emotional Energy, Decision Making
Author: Mira and Charles
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