Developing new insights on trust
by Mira and Charles on September 22nd, 2009We are working on a project on trust in people’s close relationships. And that’s something you know a lot about, which is why we need your help. Please email us at DrFoster@ChestnutHillInstitute.com to tell us your thoughts or experiences about trust in your relationships past or present. In particular, we’d love it if you’d tell us something about:
- Building trust in a new relationship
- The issues that come up between two people when one or both of them is mistrustful
- How to rebuild trust after it has been damaged in a relationship.
Whatever you have to share would be most helpful. We’ll thank you from the bottom of our heart. And who know? Maybe your words will help other people. But don’t worry: we’ll preserve your privacy if we do use them.
As you know, affairs are just one of the many ways trust gets damaged. We focused on affairs in our book When Good People Have Affairs, which is really the only source for understanding why people cheat, among many other things. And now we’re looking at trust from a much wider angle. Thanks for your help!
September 27th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
One complicating aspect of trust that I see in close relationships is the critical role of openness (or lack thereof) when those relationships have marked power differential or power gradient.
’ve found this complication to be common in very high net worth families, or in those families with a patriarch (or matriarch) who is accustomed to being at the high end of the power gradient (such as powerful executives, etc.) It seems much less pronounced in more “normal” families, especially as the younger generation reaches adulthood.
The confusion that results from simultaneous bonds of family love / loyalty and the need to live with a power differential produces a kind of superficial trust, what might be called “cordial hypocrisy.”
As well, the essential first step toward rebuilding trust – speaking the distrust – is doubly difficult when doing so is perceived as dangerous (and often rightly so.)
Is this the kind of response you were looking for?
~ Peter Yaholkovsky, MD
September 29th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Great point. Very helpful. Thank you so much.