Are all women the “other woman”?
by Mira and Charles on August 17th, 2009When a woman finds that her guy has cheated on her, she has a lot of emotions, all painful. But one of those emotions is anger at the other woman. She feels that as much as her mate was at fault it was also the fault of that bitch for trying to steal another woman’s man. Now there’s new evidence that this anger at the other woman may be well placed. It turns out that women are turned on by married men.
In an August 13, 2009, article in the New York Times, we learn about a fascinating research finding. You can read about the details in the Times article, but basically when it comes to single and married men, as well as married women, deciding if another person is attractive, it doesn’t matter if the other person is attached or not. But single women are 50 percent more likely to find a man more interesting if he is attached. Ninety percent of single women were interested in an attractive man when they were told he was attached.
That’s a huge differential. It means that married guys really do give off a vibe that single women pick up on and go nuts for.
Now of course this doesn’t mean that all single women act on this attraction. It certainly doesn’t mean that it’s the other woman’s fault if a guy cheats: he could totally say No even if every woman in the world were throwing herself at him. But it does mean that there is an extra risk factor for attached men, because if single women are more likely to be attracted to them, affairs are more likely to happen.
An attached guy and a single woman are an accident looking for a place to happen.
Now the question is, why is this true? We’d love to hear what you think.
Here are some possible explanations:
–If a guy is attached, it means he can form an attachment, and this automatically makes him attractive to unattached women who have to suffer from so many unattached guys who have trouble attaching.
–It may say something about women’s competiveness. Maybe women aren’t as demure as some think. Maybe an attached guy makes a woman feel that if one woman got him she could get him too. And she wants to get him.
–Maybe it’s fear of intimacy, But this seems like the least likely reason. There’s no risk of intimacy in just saying you’re attracted to someone. Besides, no one is afraid of intimacy; we’re just afraid of being hurt by intimacy. And that would be a reason not to be attracted to an attached guy. After all, if you are a woman and a single friend came to you and said she was thinking of starting an affair with a married guy, would you say, “Sure, go ahead. What could possibly go wrong?” I don’t think so.
So what’s your explanation for this phenomenon of single women being attracted to attached guys? We will print the most compelling explanation right here.
For more on the ins and outs of affairs, do check out our book When Good People Have Affairs to get all the help and insight you could possibly want.
