Keeping your marriage ALIVE
by Mira and Charles on June 25th, 2009Marriage is not low maintenance, but it’s not no maintenance. If you don’t do things to keep it alive, it will die. But it’s not as hard as you might think. Here are the fastest, easiest, most powerful ways to keep your marriage alive:
1. Most people treat their marriage like a low-maintenance pet, like a cat. NO! Marriages need a lot of care, like a horse. You can’t just leave a horse in the stable; you have to take it out every day for a good run. In the same way, something fun, romantic, intimate, warm, close, or exciting needs to happen EVERY DAY in your marriage or you’ll want to find it with someone else. Too much trouble? Well, too bad! Most people spend more time every day cleaning their kitchen or straightening their desk than they spend on their marriage, and that’s not only stupid, it’s destructive.
2. Learn how to make each other feel loved. Every person has his or her own love language. What’s more, it changes over time. So do this. Both of you write down a list of the TEN things that make you feel loved. Like, “I feel loved when you smile at me.” Or, “I feel loved when you take me in your arms and give me a kiss.” Or, “I feel loved when you ask me about my day.” Or, “I feel loved when you think of something nice for us to do together.” It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it makes you feel loved. Then share your lists with each other. Now you know what to do to make each other feel loved. NOW DO THEM! And here’s the thing for you really busy types: it takes a lot less time to make your partner feel loved when you know what actually DOES make him or her feel loved.
If you want more help, here are two great books. Our Love Is Too Good to Feel So Bad is excellent for identifying and healing the iffy parts of your marriage. The Weekend Marriage will help you find ways to make your marriage strong even in the face of your time-starved, over-scheduled lifestyle.
One quick inspirational word: When it comes to marriage, it’s much easier to do it right than to do it wrong.
June 25th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I would love to know you thoughts on the breaking news story about South Carolina Govenor Mark Sanford. The news is making a laughing stock out of his “torrid emails”. I think it’s sad to ridicule an obviously tortured soul. Having been involved in a simialr situation, written and received emails of similar vein it hurts to think that such personal expressions are being used as the punch line in the news media. Sad commentarty on the state of love, even ‘forbidden’ love.