“What happened to us?”
by Mira and Charles on June 23rd, 2009“We would never get a divorce,” the young married couple said.
Oh yeah? Well, guess again.
You can’t take it for granted that your marriage will never end, and it might end long before you get a divorce. So what DOES protect you against this catastrophe?
Since my book When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships came out, there has been a lot of discussion about how marriages get into trouble. I was even featured in an article about this in USA Today. “Yeah, but we have such a good marriage.” What do you mean by that? “Well, you know: we never fight. We get along really well.”
Sorry. You’re still not protected. Not fighting is not enough.
In that USA Today article I was quoted as saying it’s boredom that puts you at risk. Then another expert was quoted as saying, no, it’s lack of passion and closeness. (Later in the piece that same expert said married people have to work hard to protect their relationships from boredom!) This is probably a silly debate.
Boredom, lack of passion, lack of closeness are all part of the same picture.
Here’s the real point: A good marriage is not just about “getting along.” That’s good, but you can have that with a roommate.
You also need an alive connection, an current of passion, interest, connection, joy, whatever you want to call it. THAT’S the key to keeping your marriage alive.
HOW do you keep your marriage alive? This often seems very daunting to people. But stay tuned for my next blog, where I’ll show you just what to do.
For now I’d like to know your opinion about this. Is it boredom, lack of passion, lack of closeness, all of these, or something else entirely that keeps a marriage alive? Vote for your choice!!
I’d love to hear from you. With understanding and insight, we can all do better in this challenging area.
