Better sex, starting now
by Mira and Charles on May 21st, 2009OK, so there 13 reasons why a couple might not be having as much sex these days. So what do you do about it? The answer might surprise you.
You want to have more sex. But what you have to do first is talk. You may think you’ve tried “everything,” but I’m here to tell you, no, you haven’t.
Here’s what you need to do when the two of you have some time. You have to go back to sex school for a refresher course. That means, you have to teach each other how to make love to each other. To do that, both of you complete the following statements:
1) “I think we would have more sex more often if only you [or we]…”
2) “Three things I’d like you to do more of when we make love are….”
3) “Three things I’d like you to do less of when we make love are….”
4) “Three things I’d like you to let me do more of when we make love are….”
5) “I feel wanted by you when you….”
6) “What I most wish you understood about me when it comes to lovemaking is….”
7) “What I most like about making love with you is….”
It’s best if you write your answers down and hand them to each other. Now share your answers with each other. And your conversation should all be about, “So are you saying you want me to…?” Talk about it. Be honest about what you’re willing and not willing to do. Talk about where you might need some help.
And don’t worry about solving all your problems. Your job isn’t to make sex wonderful. Your job is to make sex better and more frequent. Look for improvement, not perfection.
And that’s it: you know what to do. Learn it, live it, love it.
This is the best sex school, because the best sex teacher is someone who loves you and who knows his or her own body. And you can be that for each other.
In the next blog, I’ll give you specific answers to each of the 13 reasons why you might not be making love. But these 7 questions here will give you a great start.
And if you need more help, please check out Our Love Is Too Good to Feel So Bad: The 10 Prescriptions to Heal Your Relationship.
Love, Mira and Charles
