Is marriage a machine for creating babies and destroying sex?  That’s the way more and more people see it these days.  You start out filled with passion and the desire for intimacy.  Then the nonsense of daily life takes over, babies come, and sex flies out the window.  You’re too busy, too tired, too often pissed off at each other.  The next thing you know it’s been a very long time since you made love, and the more time passes, the harder it is.  At least it seems that way.

But is sex an inevitable casualty of marriage?  Absolutely not.  So what do you do about it?  You have to identify exactly why you’re not having sex any more.  Here are the real culprits:

1. You’re so busy and stressed out that it’s hard to get into a sexy, let’s-connect frame of mind.

2. You’re mad at each other and feel hurt, so you need some real healing to happen before you can feel sexually open to each other.

3. You’ve fallen into a sexual rut.  Making love is too mechanical and predictable.

4. One of you wants to make love more often than the other and this has set up a dynamic where one is always pushing and the other always resisting.

5. You don’t experience each other as sexy.

Which applies to you?  All you have to do is guess which one feels to you like the culprit. 

Now for the good news.  For each one of these there are real solutions.  What are they?  Stay tuned.  In my next blog I’ll share good solutions with you that will provide real help.

In the meantime, there are two books that can give you all the answers you could possibly want for the problems in your relationship.  To diagnose and fix what’s bothering you, click here to check out Our Love Is Too Good to Feel So Bad: The 10 Prescriptions to Heal Your Relationship.  And if you are particularly bothered by the fact that the two of you just don’t have time for each other any more (like millions of other couples these days!), click here to check out The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love in a Time-starved World.

Love, Mira and Charles

Posted: Friday, May 15th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Category: Relationships, News & Notes, Emotional Energy
Author: Mira and Charles
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